Enjoying the Holidays Again After a Loss

This is a big deal for those of us who have lost a loved one. Some will tell you “the first year is always the hardest”. You will hear this “Ad nauseam” from loved ones who try to comfort you. But the truth is every year is hard after a loss, the difference is we learn coping skills that we never knew we had.

What is rarely shared is that the pain of your loss is amplified around any holiday celebration. This is because you can remember your loved ones in previous years, enjoying traditions and doing silly things that remind you even more of what you will be missing. Everything you see and do remind you that they are not there with you to enjoy that time with you, and the family. Frankly, you have no desire to feel happy when you are grieving.

The emotional struggle is real.

The challenge is you have a loving family that is expecting you to keep going because they still need you. The other tricky minefield to tiptoe through is that every single person grieves differently. And those around you who seemingly get through it quickly will be seen by you as lacking feelings, and or sensitivity. When in truth the only difference between you and them is acceptance.

Acceptance is the secret to coming back and participating again in the land of the living after loss. Now hear me out, acceptance will mean many different things to different people. What I am talking about is the acceptance that being sad all the time is no longer serving you, and or those around you anymore.

This doesn’t mean that you no longer miss the person who died. What it does mean, is that you are choosing to continue on despite them being gone. It is for your own survival that you must get up and put one foot in front of the other every day until that feels normal again. Well, your new normal anyway.

So, now when facing the holidays, their birthdays, and anniversaries, we need to approach them from our new normal way of thinking. What I mean is, where in the past we had traditions with those who we lost, we must start new traditions. I have found that doing things in their honor has helped me immensely with accepting my new (normal) life without them in it.

Here is a list of things you can do to honor your loved ones who have passed.

· Talk to them often in your head or even outwardly

· Set a seat at the table for them at family gatherings (it’s good to warn everyone that you are doing this to help them prepare for the empty seat)

· Talk about them often, reminiscing about things they said or did

· Visit their graves on holidays and leave a little gift for them (I usually wrap up bird seed in tissue paper)

· Light up a candle for them

· Create a shrine in their honour around holidays (some will keep the shrine up all year, and some have found it too overwhelming to have it up all year.

· Give to a charity in their name

· Name a star after them so generations of family can look to the sky and know they are shining down on them

· Donate the gifts I would have bought for them to a needy family or group

· Write about them, tell the world who they were for you and what you have found their legacy was in a blog or book

· Erect a bench in their name

· Plant a tree for them

· Create a shadow box frame of some of their most important things

· Donate their things to a shelter or someone in need

· Get a tattoo

· Finish or complete something that you both planned on doing before they passed

· Hold a service at church in their honour

· Name a child after them

· Visit a place that the two of you discussed visiting together

· Create a list of things that you know they wanted to accomplish and then accomplish those things for them. For example, they wanted to run a marathon

· Have some of their clothes made into a quilt or even a teddy bear for children

· Write them a letter every holiday and mail it to yourself

· Ask everyone to share one fun story about them at a gathering and over the years you can write those stories in a book to reminisce over later

· Give blood on their birthdays

· Join a donor registry in their honour

· Get a piece of jewelry in their honour or have one of their pieces made into something for you and others to wear.

As you can see there are a lot of different ways in which to honor your loved ones to support their legacy and keep the memory of their lives to never be forgotten. By participating in some of these ideas on the list above, you might just find you have in some way supported yourself to ease the pain of their loss.

I can tell you as a full-time psychic medium, the one thing spirits love to share with me during readings is the many ways in which their loved ones have honored their memory. Remember, they still have a bird’s eye view of your life, and their only hope for you is that you continue living your best life despite them leaving you behind.

They are your biggest cheering squad, and truly just want you to find your joy again. The best way you can honor them is by living, carrying on, and doing your best to step back into life completely.

For those of you struggling with this, please don’t give up. You will get to where you need to be in time. Just keep going, by getting up every day, and forcing a smile in as often as you can. Consider it a success that you can just get out of bed and eat. The pain is real so take your time. Start by finding joy in little things, maybe a bird in a tree, a child’s laughter, or a pet doing something silly. But strive nonetheless, and never give up on the notion of returning to your new normal without a time frame attached. Remember always, so many are counting on your return for their healing too. You will be better served to keep those who love you close at this time.

I am sending you love and supporting you to find your shiny self again.

Liz Throp
Founding Member, The Psychic Associates