The last three holiday seasons have been very hard. I hear people complaining about parties they “have” to go to. I wonder if they realized the alternative — no house to visit, no party to attend, no visitors makes for a very lonely time. I’ve gone out the last three years on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any place that I was welcomed.

Most of my family and friends are not near me. I even RSVP’d to a Meetup on Christmas evening to have dinner and meet new people. I figured anyone who starts a Meetup like that wants more friends so I went. She never showed up. I ended up watching the car auction on TV at the bar and no one bought my drink.

How does this happen? How does someone who gets enough Christmas cards to hang, two kids, and a large extended family end up alone? Well, for me, I don’t have strong roots, I’ve moved several times in the last couple years and most of the women I meet already have their best friends. Having casual friends and acquaintances doesn’t get you in the “inner circle” for big occasions like this. My children are older and have their own lives. Whether it be work or friends I can’t and would never ask them to put their lives aside for me. For one evening. I wouldn’t want them to end up like me on Christmas Day. All my other events throughout the year that keep me busy are business related. Throughout the year my schedule is packed.

I’m not depressed or saddened by my life no matter how this may sound. Christmas Day has become awkward for me. It’s like I showed up to a black and white ball in a red dress.