Emotional Abuse, the Violence Unknown
By Mansi Dua
I met my best friend after a year, and I could see that something was not right. Concealing her tears behind her broken smile, she tried to tell me that “everything is okay”, but I knew it wasn’t true. I knew if I asked her, she would not say a word, but being her best friend, I knew the emotional trauma that she was going through. Nothing had actually changed for her, she was still being a silent sufferer in her relationship.
Violence is Not Only Physical
Violence is not only physical, and the scars that these non-physical acts of violence leave us with are beyond comparison. I knew there was not a single mark anywhere on Ishani’s body, but her eyes spoke volumes about the abuse that she had faced.
Emotional violence is something that most of us often choose to neglect. Having no laws to govern this “emotional rape”, as I call it, its abusers easily get let off the hook.
When it comes to emotional violence, there is a lot that is neglected. Not having any concrete definition, most times even the victims of emotional abuse do not know what they are going through. Living in the sweet bubble that Ishani lives in, her constant denial of being unhappy in her relationship is killing her from within each day. The delusional utopia that she has constructed for herself has made her lose touch with reality.
Emotional violence works in a very subtle manner and it is a prolonged process. It starts with falling in love and ends with the destruction of your identity. And whatever happens inbetween is something that no one can comprehend. Although there are some red flags that signal whether your relationship is on the right track or not.
You Feel It Is All Your Fault
If you find yourself feeling guilty for almost everything you do, then you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. When your partner feels bad, or when you do something that your partner does not like, and when you do something without taking your partner’s “permission”, guess what, it is not necessarily your fault.
Making Excuses For Your Partner’s Behaviour
There will be times when you will know that your partner is doing wrong, but if you still find yourself making excuses for the way they behave, you are being emotionally abused.
Begging For Attention
You Dread Meeting Them
No matter how much you love them, you sometimes dread meeting them and prefer to be alone. Because you know that when you will meet them, they will give you another reason to cry.
You Think Before Talking
Any relationship works best if there is good communication and you do not have to think twice before saying something or expressing yourself. But when you find yourself thinking a million times before saying what you want to say, and then end up not even saying it, you are being emotionally abused.
You Start Changing Yourself
It is healthy to exchange views and get to know the other’s view, but when your entire perspective on how you view things, and most importantly yourself, is coloured by how your partner thinks or feels, you are near to scarring yourself for life.
Defending Them in Front of Family
Like it or not, your family will always want the best for you, and they will always try to point out the flaws of your relationship. And even though you know that what they are saying is true, you try to defend them.
Honesty is the best policy, that what they say, but when you know how your partner will react, there are times that you hide things from them. So, when you start to lie or hide things, you know that your relationship is going down the drain.
These are some subtle behaviour changes that most people will neglect, but it is better that you realize them before your relationship kills you alive.