You expressed your concern very well. My reaction was that it’s all so sad. Sad for the stress on you and your family (Get off those psych meds!!). Sad for the community, sad for the country.
Two of the biggest influences in our lives are our families and our communities. You are stuck deeply in an extreme version of both. Both have all the options in the world, but now what? What is the real goal? To be impressive? Make a lot of money? Design a better texting app?
My daughter went to Stanford, my son didn’t. When my daughter got married she came back to Massachusetts. She felt The Valley was nuts. She didn’t want to raise her kids there. It’s bad enough here. My son is here too. He lives in a smaller house, but he’s doing just as well.
All of this adds to the income disparity of our country, also to the opportunity disparity, and to the disconnect and misunderstanding of the different subcultures of our society. You seem to be aware of it. But you see how hard it is to move away from the script that was written for you, and you see that you are writting the same one for your kids.
Move to Colorado, Minnesota or Massachusetts ( you shouldn’t jump ff the cliff and move to Ohio). Take a deep breath. Hang around with some people who don’t live in your bubble. If that’s too drastic, at least volunteer in the San Jose school system. Help some of those kids go to Stanford. That may help change things.