What Actually Happens in Couples Therapy?

Does your relationship feel stuck?

Are you and your partner having the same arguments over and over again?

Are feeling unsure what to do about it?

Couples counseling can be a transformative experience. And yet, for many couples, the idea of talking to a perfect stranger about their personal problems can feel overwhelming and intimidating. Understanding what actually goes on in couples therapy can help to demystify the process and build readiness to make this important step.

There are different counseling options available to couples. I personally recommend the Gottman Method — a highly effective counseling program for couples that is proven by research to help couples better manage conflict, adjust to major life transitions, and improve relationship satisfaction. The Gottman Method aims to build healthier relationships that are grounded in friendship and shared meaning.

Session 1: My assessment of couples starts with an initial consultation with both partners to discuss shared goals, areas of concern, and next steps in the counseling process.

Next, you will complete the Relationship Check-Up, an online set of questionnaires about your relationship that you both fill out separately at home. This research-backed tool allows me to give you targeted and personalized feedback over the course of counseling. We’ll discuss feedback in several domains of healthy partnership, including friendship and intimacy, conflict resolution, and individual areas of concern. You should schedule 1–2 hours of uninterrupted time to fill these out before your next session.

Sessions 2 & 3: I will then meet with each partner for separate individual sessions. This gives each partner a chance to individually discuss their concerns about the relationship and share more about what they would like to get out of the counseling process.

Session 4: We then meet together again for our final assessment session to share initial feedback about the health of your relationship, including discussion of strengths and vulnerabilities that you are facing as a couple.

After this thorough assessment, we will discuss personalized strategies for your relationship in weekly follow-up sessions. Each week we will focus on a new theme and discuss specific and practical ways to improve your relationship. We will add more and more tools to your relationship toolbox as counseling progresses. I will assign practice exercises for you to use together at home to extend the benefits of counseling beyond the counseling hour. These exercises will include practice in communication skills, ideas for improving intimacy and lovemaking, and ways to support each other to pursue shared meaning, passion, and connection. Throughout the counseling experience, we will collaboratively assess how well we are progressing towards your goals as a couple. You and your partner will both be active agents of change throughout the counseling experience.

My question for you is:

If you could make one change for the better in your relationship, what would it be?


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Anna Lindberg Cedar, MPA, LCSW is a Bay Area burnout prevention psychotherapist and founder of Therapy for Real Life. Her personal mission is to break beyond the traditional therapy hour to offer expanded access to therapy concepts — adapted for everyday use. Anna specializes in evidence-based therapies for changemakers in her Bay Area counseling practice, in addition to burnout prevention consulting with workplaces far and wide. Anna created the fun and interactive Burnout Prevention Hack-A-Thon, which she facilitates in workplaces across sectors to buffer employees against everyday stresses. Anna makes self-care even more accessible through the Therapy for Real Life podcast. Anna explains burnout prevention strategies drawn from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) — a counseling style that combines Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other change-based skills with mindfulness and acceptance-based strategies to help you lead a more balanced life. Get to know Anna’s therapy and consulting work through her website and contributions to Teen Vogue, The Mighty, and Medium. You can also find her on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.

Therapy For Real Life | Anna Lindberg Cedar

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TherapyForRealLife.com | Therapy + Stress Mgmt Workshops in the Bay Area + Beyond | Hosting Burnout Prevention Hack-a-thons | Science-Backed Self-Care Listacles

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