Thanks for sharing your experience.
Dinah Davis
146

So to call the whole industry
“the most welcoming industry I’ve seen”
seems a bit far fetched to me.

First, she didn’t. Second, you are explicitly invalidating her experience, even after accounting for assigning words to her.

Claiming the whole industry is welcoming is in invalidating their experience. It is like saying hey there isn’t a problem here people, why are you complaining.

No, on both assertions. It isn’t a zero sum game: people can have positive experiences in a field without implying that negative ones don’t exist. If reporting a positive experiences is invalidating a negative one, then reporting a negative one is invalidating a positive one. In that case, “the only winning solution is not to play”.

Someone rating a book or movie poorly doesn’t invalidate my rating of it. My rating of said movie doesn’t invalidate the other. Validation is not agreement, and invalidation is not disagreement. Who are you or I to outright tell her that her assertion about her experiences are “far fetched”? We weren’t there. We aren’t her.

She didn’t say the industry didn’t have problems. She didn’t say nobody experiences unwelcome feelings, behaviors, etc.. She didn’t even say no other industries aren’t better. She relayed her actual experience. We can be happy for her, and for the industry, or we can be jerks and outright tell her we think she is dishonest and that her experiences don’t matter. Personally, I choose to just be happy.

To change that to defend your experiences or viewpoint is a tad narcissistic. Worse, the fixation on the negative normalizes the negative. Thus it counters the goal. The more effective route is the primary promotion of places and people who get it right. People of any sex don’t go into a field they see as filled with negativity in significant numbers.

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