Sub Tweeting 101

First, get the wifi working. The deeper the tweeting the harder this will be. Think long and hard if all this is worth it, because it is probably not.

Second, find a subject to tweet about. For a really good sub tweet, you usually need to allude to the sub. You should do this naturally. Calling too much attention to the subject will come off as choppy or on the nose.

You also need to make sure no one sees the tweet or knows what it says before it goes live. You want maximum burn and the rumor mill is a lot faster than you think. This means you might need to shield your phone from Mermen or whales or anything else you might swim along your fine vessel.

Make sure that while you are lacing the internet with your sick burns, that some on is a the helm. You do not want to dive too fast. The pressure changes can be intense and then the basics of the world will never know your true feelings.

Whatever you do, don’t tag anyone. Also don’t get scurvy. It is common in the depths.

Be careful for them firing back. But don’t abandon the vessel. Minimize damage by batting down the hatches and also saying “oh, I don’t know her,” whenever you can.

As you dive further and further into the depths of the ocean and the internet, you will have to be brave. Have a first mate at your beck and call. If you are hurt, you will need them to say, “AYE Captain, she’s jealous of urrrrrr treasure.”

If you haven’t gotten this by now, you also need to buy a submarine.

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