James Suszynski
Aug 31, 2018 · 4 min read

mirror mirror on the wall

Much needed wet-down on a 90+ degree day…

A good friend is nothing more than a well polished mirror that reflects what the eyes can’t see…

The little gem above came to me while on my annual 14-mile solo hike. I hike the Slippery Rock Gorge trail in McConnell’s Mill State Park each summer as a way to meditate on the past year and to kick my ass a little bit. The first time on that trail I fell in love; it’s got a lot of elevation change, tons of conifers and a beautiful river. Hands-down favorite trail in Western Pennsylvania.

I try my best to write on a regular basis in order to reflect on daily life and to spot patterns over time. Life happens and between work and play and a relationship it’s not easy to carve out 15–20 minutes of uninterrupted time to put pen on paper. This hike is a way that I take stock of the previous 12 months of my life and reflect in a way that daily writing doesn’t offer. It’s like using an SMA180 or similar to spot long term trends in a stock…distanced from the events and/or thoughts of the year let’s me see them more objectively.

For me, a good friend is someone that has my best interests at heart. A person, young or old, who can tell me their honest opinion without reservation. I am very open to criticism and welcome those close to me to offer up suggestions or corrections if something I am doing or thinking about doing is absolutely ridiculous. If I’m messing up, I want to know about it. That is a quality I look for in a close friend and it’s why my life has been on an upward slope for the past 2 years now.

The quote came to me after realizing how many memories I’ve made and how much of that is attributed to my wonderful friends and family. Ever since I wrote this post, I’ve made some amazing friends, had deep conversations with complete strangers that I’ll never forget and grew inward more than the previous 26 years of my life. We are social animals and friends aren’t optional.

Even the Evil Queen in Snow White just wants someone to support her and the mirror on the wall does just that.

Mirror mirror, on the wall. Who’s the prettiest of them all?

No matter how tough or badass someone claims to be (less psychopaths) they still desperately want someone to show encouragement and love. The good ones tell you the things that you most need to hear and if you find someone that does just that, do what you can to return the favor and keep them in your life.

My mother got a tattoo recently, as did I. She got hers done by a family friend and I got mine done by the artist I’ve been seeing for a couple of years now. The relationship between my artist and I and strictly tattoo/art related and if I have an idea that isn’t great, she let’s me know. I had a “brilliant” idea for my last piece that I was really excited about. When I got into the shop and explained it to her, she looked me dead in the eyes: That’s f***ing stupid.

Thank you!

My mother, on the other hand, didn’t get that help from her artist and she isn’t very happy with the finished product. She went in with an idea and the guy didn’t offer any criticism or suggestions. Now she has a semi-hideous tattoo that she and nobody else is very excited about.


Maybe I’m not like everyone else? I place a lot of value on people that want me to be a better person tomorrow and don’t coddle or tiptoe around me. I was missing that person(s) from 2015–2016 and paid heavily for it. The following year I found a good group and learned how to be okay with being vulnerable and things started looking up. The summer of 2017 to the present day has been an unbelievable amount of growth in the best ways possible.

So what does all of this mean? Well, it may seem good to have a friend that has a hookup at a local club so you can get in for free and drink all night for the price of one beer or someone that rains compliments down on you regardless of what you’re actually doing. Those things feel awfully good in the moment but how do they stack up against your long term trajectory? Are they going to help you do good for the world around you or are they just hitting you with dopamine and stroking your ego?

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humble philosophy of everyday living

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