Bringing forth and setting in motion
It’s one of my biggest fears, wrapped in one of my biggest setbacks.
The discomfort of not knowing whether I can avoid being wrong, being a total noob… and taking the action anyway. The hardest part is making the space to start.
I’ve been working on overcoming my obstacles and this has come up.
To jump to the main story, go here.
For years I’ve found an unhealthy dose of excuses such as the classic lack of time, forecasted certainty that nobody would care (like that matters lol), unpreparedness, self devaluing and often simply ‘where to begin’?
Let me wind it back a step.
I just introduced a new daily ritual: to name one thing that I’m grateful for and one thing that I’m afraid of.
Had I read this as advice somewhere, I’d have considered it pointless and clichéd. Fortunately, it was developed of my own volition and plays a seriously essential role in caring for your own wholistic wellbeing, especially for someone who spends a lot of time reading about the world’s problems.
I’m at that stage where incorporating a new daily habit is now a legit prospect because it’s a simple matter of adding it into my already established morning routine. Routines are awesome, they’re the only way I can be sure I’ll do something. Even if it’s something minor, I know I can see great improvements over time in my waiora and spiritual growth.
Mine goes: oh, I see you’re awake? the dreams, what dreams have you brought back with you — scribble them in the dream notepad. Stretch. Drink lemon juice to celebrate my rebirth under the sun, perhaps with a green tea and maybe tulsi too. Tongue scrape, face wash, light incense. Meditation with a few chants I picked up at Anahata ashram. Space to connect with my Self and process whatever themes I’m working with. Then that nutritious bowl of muesli and fruit explodes me well after the lemon has settled in.
(A note for anyone playing at home: I heard that if you drink lemon juice, your teeth will be vulnerable afterwards so it’s best not to brush your teeth or eat for half an hour. I’ve found that allowing space for stillness is a great way to kill that time before breakfast and bring it back to life all in one swift paradoxical ceremony.)
In the past four months I’ve been journaling analogue-style quite regularly.
I had the idea before leaving Wellington, mentioning to a few buddies that while I’m living nomadically I’ll get a blog going to upload updates, share my poems, themes and lessons. Now that I’ve found myself with no excuse, I’m beginning. Poems and transcripts will come but I feel the best way to launch is around a theme.
There are a few areas of personal transformation that I am currently setting in action: for example, this fear and gratitude practice.
I’ll go into more depth about this by the end of our catchup.
Ultimately, I’m writing now because I sense it is a perfect time to dive deep into the water (I mean, by May it’s probably a little too cold for a kiwi eh).
I’ll throw in a disclaimer here about my intentions with this online journal. While I’m motivated by having a wonderful web of friends and whanau in Wellington who I hope to share my experiences with, this is as much for myself, to remember the little details (seriously, what memory?) and again it’s as much an opportunity to challenge myself to write pieces of discovery & insight for a public audience. All curio cats welcome.
While I’ve been ‘a writer’ since I was a wee hine, this step is actually really big and hard for me… some of you will know what 2014–15 brought my way.
Online image is pretty dumb. But I wanna get real: I’m bigger than my weaknesses and fears. I‘m not keen to let the unknown or past wounds keep me from sharing. This is why I’m transitioning into action mode now.
I’m still going to try reduce a lot of the detail so that I’m not asking heaps out of your screen-time for the day, so if you are curious about certain aspects and wanna hear more, connect with me in the comments or wherever we are in touch and I’ll be happy to elaborate :) this goes for friends, strangers and acquaintances alike. You’re all mah tribe.
In time, a lot of pieces will come out that cross-reference and weave one large story as experienced from the personal, social and global scales. But this introduction is probably going to be a bit TL;DR, since I feel there’s a foundation to be built and details to be filled in. I appreciate your patience. It’s hard to kick off.
Now that I’ve set the tone for where I’m at this morning, follow this lovely hyperlink to keep reading about what’s been up with me girl!