Why I Left The Online Spiritual Community

Last year was a pivotal year for me when it came to my own spiritual growth.

I was doing well as a business coach, but in January 2022, I got tugged hard to drop that work and jump into spirit endeavors.

It wasn’t my first time diving into the spiritual pool, but this would be the deepest and most intensive work I would ever do.

My mentors and guides pushed me forward, and as I stepped into tarot, oracle, bone and charm casting, shamanic work and many other areas. I found a profound connection to Self and Spirit I’d never experienced before.

Ancestors and guides revealed themselves to me and acted as both counsel and practical jokers (I have lots of stories around them playing around with me).

I was excited about this work, and it consumed me in many beautiful and powerful ways.

That’s when I also decided to jump into the online spiritual community.

I wanted to share my experiences, learn, and to be part of a group of others who understood the pains and pleasure of working with Spirit.

What I thought would be an accepting and open-minded place, resplendent with abundance and diversity, turned out to be anything but.

Walking into the online (New Age) spiritual community for the first time feels like you’ve stepped into a street market that stretches out into infinity and finding anything you need at any time.

Want to geek out on crystals? Check out the hundreds of shopkeepers in the east end.

Looking to nerd out on astrology? The sector by the statue of Sagittarius is your place.

Feeling the need to linger over chakras and reiki? Stride over to the third eye theater district.

There’s no shortage of people hawking their wares, their knowledge, and their friendship.

Except…

That what I found beneath the shiny veneer of Love and Light ™ was a vast underbelly of scarcity, fear, elitism, mistrust, conspiracy theories, toxic positivity, manipulation, deceit, spiritual ego / narcissism and plenty more.

(Before I dive into some of these, I want to make it clear that these are my own observations and experiences. Your mileage may vary. If you find yourself triggered, I sincerely invite you to ask yourself why that is. Our egos can flare up and be protective when we feel threatened.)

Scarcity — as much as people talk about attracting abundance, there seems to be a lot of scarcity in the online spiritual community. Spiritual business owners grossly undercharge their services because they undervalue their own worth and value. In doing so, they unknowingly perpetuate the myth that spiritual work isn’t “real” work (note: it IS real work, it just looks different than most other work).

There’s also a scarcity in mindset and self-esteem. Members of the spiritual community feel separate from the rest of the world community, so they often they speak from a place of victimhood and disempowerment, rather than injecting themselves into the common good in healthy ways.

Elitism — ironically, at the same time, there is a sense of exceptionalism that the online spiritual community holds. Because they feel different as it is, there is also a sense that they are “chosen” in many ways. Talk of starseeds (which I bought into too for a while, so I’m not throwing shade here), of being more “awakened”, of having skills and talents that most others don’t have, or an overall sense of superiority shows up in many guises (see Spiritual Ego below).

Any challenges on this usually results in a dressing down, accusing the person of being “low vibe” or negative, or accusing them of not being spiritually savvy or “awakened” enough to understand what is being shared.

Conspiracy Theories — There is an interesting connection between spirituality and a mistrust of government, medical authorities and any other governing bodies. Conspiracy theories are common in the online spirituality community, sometimes intertwining with extremist groups or ideologies.

I was surprised how many anti-science, anti-government folks there were in the community, spouting off fear-driven rants, which would be followed up a day or two later with how it’s important to show love to everyone and oh don’t forget to purchase the latest essential oil kit in their online store.

What has also been alarming is the connection between spirituality and white supremacy, ableism, racism, antisemitism, and other harmful and hateful ideologies and outlooks. There has been some pleasant pushback on this online as of late, with folks being called out more regularly for their potentially harmful views.

Toxic Positivity — one of the biggest issues I found in the online spiritual community was that of spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is when one uses spirituality and spiritual practices to avoid unpleasant feelings, wounds or pain. This is the “love and light” mantra. This is the “good vibes only” mentality that is pervasive in the community.

While it seems to be beneficial to look to the good, the positive, etc. it becomes toxic and harmful when that’s the only place one operates from. The darkness, or shadow side, is also a key element in spiritual growth. It’s unpleasant at times, but it’s part of moving ahead on the path. When people eschew it, and adamantly focus on the surface level only, they are eradicating any chance of long-term growth.

It can also look like spending all your time meditating, going to retreats, getting readings, etc. rather than doing some deeper work, therapy, and other inner inquiry.

Again, when people are confronted with this, they will lash back with accusations of others being negative or harmful. They will often gaslight or deflect. The black-and-white thinking of “you’re either with us or you’re against us” also kicks in, which causes divisiveness in the community.

Cultural Appropriation — I made a post on TikTok talking about how some in the Indigenous community were asking that people stop purchasing and burning white sage and Palo Santo because of the over-farming and the cultural appropriation they felt that was being perpetuated for the sake of making money.

I got lambasted for that post.

The anger that shot out from the online spiritual community (which consists mostly of white women) was thick enough to spread on toast. I ended up deleting that post because of the intense energy behind the responses. It showed that for all the “love and light” out there, it’s all good until you point out spiritual materialism and cultural appropriation.

I understand that there is a difference between appropriation and appreciation. I’ve always been careful in what I would call myself (ex. Sherpa is a word tossed around easily, but it’s a culture, not just a job title, so it’s not to be used liberally). Have I appropriate in the past without knowing? I’m sure I did, which is why researching is important. And listening to certain groups. Hell, I might be doing it now.

Appearances are important in the online space, and also good for business. So, it’s all “high vibes” until you question the integrity of their Etsy shops. There are some closed practices which people try to sidestep and justify for using.

But sure, “namaste”.

Spiritual Ego — this is a big one. This ties in many of the areas already discussed. The ego loves to show its uniqueness and to aggrandize itself. One way it can do that is through spirituality. Spiritual Ego or worse, Spiritual Narcissism, is a way of saying “look how enlightened I am!” It comes through in your speech, your actions, and/or how you show up.

Spiritual ego (and narcissism) is often used to shield oneself from criticism, to feel more superior, to gather more self-esteem, and to impress others. You see this often with “leaders” in the online spiritual community. They put on a show of superiority, talk about “deep” issues they claim that most won’t understand (elitism), and will use their influence to bully others who disagree with them.

I have battled this within myself — and it’s humbling when you realize that what you don’t know heavily outweighs what you think you know. It’s that humility that brings you back down to a deeper and more invigorating connection to Spirit. The moment you declare “I’m more spiritual than so-and-so”, is the moment you’ve taken yourself away from Spirit.

And there’s more, but let’s stop here for now.

(I didn’t even mention mental health and trauma, and how that gets blended into the spiritual community in unhealthy ways — but that’s a post for another day.)

I can hear some of you asking “just by posting this, Paul, aren’t you flexing your spiritual ego? Aren’t you making it sound like you’re better than others?”

It’s a valid question, and I can see why some would ask this, but I don’t see it that way.

But by sharing my own observations, my hope is to put into words what many others feel is off-putting about the online spiritual community but can’t put their finger on it.

Many of the amazing folks I have met in the community have felt the same and have shared their thoughts on their own channels and pages. I am not alone in sharing these kinds of thoughts.

It also shows that we must have discussions within and about the online spiritual community. The community is not infallible to the trappings of ego and fear. It’s not special in that it doesn’t have its own challenges and self-contradictory ways of being.

Having this openness and accountability are ways that can help the community heal, to grow, and to transform into a stronger and more healed space.

As long as insecurity, scarcity, doubt, ego, fear, exceptionalism, and other energies hold sway, the online spiritual community is holding back how impactful it can be towards its own members and to the world at large.

Do I think that the people in the online spiritual community are malicious or intentionally being harmful?

Not at all.

I think that all of us, regardless of our positions and places in life, are all doing the best we can with the information and understanding that we have.

It’s when we become stuck, fixed, or rigid in our minds that the challenges begin.

I shared all of this (and more) in the community, and a lot of it fell on deaf ears, so I removed myself from that space.

I learned not to seek external validation from others.

I learned to stay in my own truth and light.

I learned that everyone’s on their own journeys, and that while I can offer assistance, I can’t travel the road for them.

I have my own road to move on.

Wherever you are in your spiritual journey, I honour you.

But understand that we are always in a positiong to grow, and it’s healthy to question and to investigate and to challenge.

It’s the only way we can stretch and see things for what they are, and more accurately, how we are.

Surpass…don’t bypass.

If you’re looking for help in tapping into that authentic badass that’s always been there but caught up in old stories and limiting beliefs, then message me here or visit me at www.therealpaulsilva.com . I also work with those who want to work in adding spirituality to their lives, or to explore that part of themselves. I’m a life coach and mentor and have helped hundreds find their true voice.