Phil
Phil
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Your article and the responses capture an unresolved tension in social messaging- how much is too much?

It seems to me that ‘society’ has different norms for use in different contexts. We say bland, circumspect things when we don’t think a genuine and deep conversation is either desired or possible.

The PRIDE parade emerged back in the dark ages as a way to break the spell of fear and distorted thinking about the normal range of human psychobiology. First it was just Gay Pride, then it became clear that there were a lot of letters in LGBTQIA, and it is not just PRIDE, but it is still a platform for needed messaging- “We refuse to be in the closet anymore, subject to all kinds of misunderstandings, we have safety in numbers, we are the nice people you see around you every day, and we are harmless.”

The choices of what to display are inescapable when we are, or want to feel, proud of ourselves, and the definition of ‘ourselves’ may at any one moment, run from our sexual provocativeness, our clever wit, or our conformity to generic social norms.

It was a lot for my generation just to realize that a gay person might actually look perfectly straight! And in the early pride days drag queens were the accepted form for illustrating the option for genderqueer. Of course, each year the boundaries expanded for what people would show of their lives, and PRIDE marches are more an annual ritual of spectacle now than a considered plea for simple respect.

The first amendment dilemmas are front and center here. And what we want to say, by showing, to others is going to rise or fall in the marketplace of ideas. I could see the PRIDE march breaking down into segments like a military parade- the CEOS first of course, then the married couples, the girls and boys next door, the earnest techies, the jocks and explorers, the artists, the showgirls, the dykes on bikes, the crossdressers like me, the confused, and so on.

Shouldn’t we also let those walk who are damaged and suicidal and trying to find pride…

I am not wanting to fight about anything here. I think you pose a valid question. I don’t think we have come to the point in society where a PRIDE march is not longer needed- where all people and genders are understood and accepted.

The expectation of spectacle diminishes our cause, yet it serves the need to explore the corners of consciousness where we are afraid and which then underlie repression and anger. Does showing BDSM, or reenacting any sexual interactions help or hurt? Does it show us that it is fun and safe, or that it is as unappetizing, degrading, or frightening, as we imagined.

I think the resolution of this is that sexual diversity is independent of sexual orientation and gender. Straight, queer, and gay all can find themselves wanting to explore all sorts of things.

I’ll argue that we do a disservice to our larger purpose to make the PRIDE parade an encyclopedia of human sexuality, since that is not our distinguishing factor. A ‘Joy of Sex’ [that was a blockbuster book] parade is a way to stretch the boundaries of what is considered publicly acceptable information about sexuality of our fellow citizens!

So rather than slut shaming, let’s focus on our point- to make a clear statement of validity and social belonging for gender diverse humanity, in a way that prompts observers and participants to be more generous and thoughtful towards each other.

Phil

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Phil

We can all help each other a lot by freely expressing our gender