I took a (calculated) risk — part 2
(Continued from Part 1.)
Things went sour, very quickly.
This part covers July 2018 to Feb 2019.
(A lot of detail not shared, out of respect to those who really tried to help)
As the months progressed, nearing 4 and 5 months now, I continued to struggle with the lack of clear direction, multiple priorities, conflicting messages and extreme busyness of my team. There was also an obvious power struggle between some leaders in our space was noticeable and also destabilising.
I found the prevalence of indecision and disorganisation no help in resolving my own unsettled state.
But I wondered if I was just going through “storming”. Accordingly, I determined to stay in the game ideally for a full year, June to June. I would hopefully “normalise” in this time, get through my learning curve discomfort, and arrive the other side of the struggle a victor and a stronger and wiser person.
In December 2018, while I was still steadfastly trying to get through it all and make it to June, when a key person did something that I considered unforgivably disempowering, that I knew I was done.
Not something I am proud to admit, but I felt hopeless, helpless, pointless, a pawn, disempowered. I felt like just an “extra”. I had not felt this unappreciated and misunderstood and overworked and overwhelmed in a very long time … since I burnt out several years ago.
As I felt the panic rising in my chest, I recognised the signs, and began my own research on deep work and focus. Note to others, look after yourselves and read these resources:
- Greg McKeown — Essentialism (Bas Dijkstra recommendation)
- Cal Newport — Deep work (Bas Dijkstra recommendation)
- https://www.sprk-d.com/blog/the-myth-of-multitasking/ (Andy Trigg recommendation)
- https://elemental.medium.com/why-your-brain-needs-idle-time-e5d90b0ef1df
(Did you know that “priority” is meant to be the 1 [one] thing that should take precedence, come prior? See “Deep Work” by Cal Newport.)
I had several crucial conversations with my manager and relevant others about what I was learning and what I was experiencing. I did not lie down and give up, I really tried.
But in the end, it just didn’t work out.
How the story concluded: my post on 2019, a year of lows, and highs.
