If I told you that you’re better than unicorns and sparkles combined would you believe me?

Last week I received this card from a dear friend:

And something amazing happened.

I was like, It’s True!

That definitely wouldn’t have been my response 10 years ago. Back then I couldn’t have accepted a compliment even if it was dipped in chocolate and served alongside a glass of wine …seaside.

But I’m better now.

A few years back a friend shared with me that when given a compliment in Morocco, it’s courteous and polite to reply with, “It’s true. Thank you!”

She’s a good friend, but that really brought up my stuff. Big time.
I can’t do that! It’s not right.
People will think I’m bragging/boastful/rude/self absorbed/ ___________ (fill in the blank).

Back then I believed that denying compliments was not only expected, but the right thing to do. I told myself that when people compliment me, “they are only being polite” or if they did seem sincere they “didn’t really know me”.

The ramifications of this in my life have been huge. With every compliment I deflected, I pushed away the positive things people had to say about me that I didn’t already believe about myself. Which meant…

I couldn’t see myself in new ways that helped me grow and evolve into the woman I wanted to be in the life I wanted to have.

Not being willing to even consider that the nice things people were saying about me might be true held me back in ways I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I was so unhappy with who I thought I was that I undervalued and underestimated myself in almost every situation. It was paralyzing. I just couldn’t give myself permission to do the things I wanted to do for myself.

Until I started seeing and accepting who I really am.

Learning to truly accept a compliment is one of the greatest achievements of my life. Doing so required me to change the way I see myself and what I can do with my life and that is absolutely liberating. It can do the same for you.

The next time someone offers you a compliment ask yourself these three questions.

1. Is it possible this compliment is true?

2. Can I think of at least one time when this compliment has been true for me?

3. Am I willing to see what happens by choosing to believe it’s true?

If you can let yourself believe it’s true — even for just a moment — you open your mind to seeing yourself in a bigger, more expansive light where possibility opens before you.

If your mind starts carrying on about how wrong you are, know this:

We each have a light side and a dark side. If you are kind, you also know what it’s like to be unkind. If you are truthful, you’ve been dishonest. Traits such as these travel in pairs. We cannot know one without the other.

With every thought you choose to believe about yourself, you choose which trait will show up in your life — in making decisions, in relationships, in parenting, work and everything else.

What I really love about this is that there is no need to be perfect. There is no need to do anything other than simply choose who you want to be.

But there’s something else.

As it turns out, giving and receiving are reciprocal. You cannot truly give without receiving something — even if it’s just a good feeling . Likewise you cannot receive without giving something — even if it’s an opportunity for someone else to give and consequently, receive something in return.

By downplaying someone’s compliment, you deny them the experience and gift that comes with giving.

Whoa, right?! I certainly never meant to do that and I’m sure, you didn’t either.

Add to that the unconscious messages you’re sending to yourself (and possibly them) by refusing to accept their kind words and…ugh. For me it could have been something like…

Gee thanks, but you’re full of shit.
You don’t know what you’re talking about.
I know you’re just trying to make me feel better…by lying.

I never would have actively thought those things, of course, but in essence these are the conclusions my mind might as well have been drawing. By refusing to accept someone’s compliment as truth, I turned their kindness into an unkind statement about them.

What you see in other people are reflections of what exists within yourself. When you see unkindness in them, it’s because you’re living from the unkindness in you. When someone sees the good in you it’s because it exists within themselves.

By truly accepting a compliment then you’re not only receiving a compliment about yourself, you’re essentially saying, “I see that in you, too”.

Receiving is giving. Giving is receiving.

To genuinely receive a compliment is one of the biggest-hearted, kindest things you can do…for yourself and for others, too. If it hasn’t been your strong suit in the past, there’s no reason you can’t start now.

I’ll see you in Morocco!

xo,

Theresa