Ask, ask, ask

If I don’t ask, how can I receive? If I don’t even know what I want, how can I ask?

Theresia Tanzil
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Started asking myself these questions more and more lately:

how many things can I get if I just ask?

how many miscommunication can I avoid by asking?

how many problems can I solve more easily if I just ask for help?

what questions am I avoiding asking?

what wants am I avoiding sharing?

what needs am I hiding?

why don’t I ask?

what are my asks?

why do I want it?

am I brave enough to ask?

what is preventing me from asking?

am I asking the right questions?

am I asking the right people?

when was the last time I rejected someone who asked?

what did I think about the person who asked?

do I know that I can just ask?

do I want it or I think I should want it?


What do I ask of others?

Whenever I am stuck in professional and social settings. I have found that asking a couple of these questions has helped me stay calm, think clearly, and get to the root of issues.

I would be able to minimise delays in having uncomfortable conversations, see through imaginary problems, avoid miscommunication, ask the right questions, see things with clearer perspectives in different contexts.

I can remind myself of what was it that I was trying to accomplish, how I got here, where I actually wanted to go to or stay at, and how to get back on track.

Saved me a LOT of worries, anxieties, procrastination, unnecessary effort, intellectual games, and mental gymnastics.

What was the thing we originally set out to do? What do we wish to achieve here? What do I need from this person / group of people? What do I need to hear from my family? What do I wish to have more or less of from my friends?

If I don’t ask, how can I receive? If I don’t even know what I want, how can I ask?

Asking is expecting. And expectations determine how I judge something. It can make me feel happy or unhappy if it’s met or unmet.

I think the point is not to collect as much asks as possible. The point is to be aware and clear about my own expectations.

I can let go of an ask once it has done its specific duty and only hold them up again the next time I need it.

Holding onto an ask needs to be a very conscious and deliberate action.

What do I ask of myself?

What do I want to experience? What do I need from myself?

Majority of conflicts and tension in my life come from handling other people’s asks. So having a clear idea of what I ask of myself is critical to easily know what to say yes to and what to say no to.

What game are you playing? What are the rules? How do you know if you’ve won?

Personal reminders

Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. — Naval Ravikant

My current set of reminders around personal asks, wants, and desire :

  • be honest with what you want
  • make sure it’s your want
  • don’t forget your wants
  • ask for what you want
  • remove once done
  • wanting nothing is also a want

Originally published at Proses.ID.

Theresia Tanzil

Written by

This is where I ask questions and talk to myself | Backend web dev, web scraping, Robotics Process Automation | How < Why | Solution Architect @scrapinghub.com

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