Happy New Year. Fuck the last 50 days.
My journey over the past 50 days has undoubtedly been my life’s single most arduous run. Unexpected COVID temporarily extinguished one of the greatest loves of my life — creating music and performing on stage. I weathered the storm and navigated some turbulent waters that were crashing and smashing me against the rocks — able to grab a branch and pull myself to the shore.
On December 22nd, I felt like I brushed that off. I was so excited to be in the Christmas spirit finally. Until then, I felt a sense of indifference to the end of the year like no other.
The holiday spirit was alive and well. My soul truly felt happy and at peace. It was always my mom’s favorite time of year. I loved hearing her talk about getting her tree up and decorated this year and her plans for the holidays.
Then on the morning of Christmas Eve, I received the call. Mom was no longer with us and unexpectedly passed in her sleep.
The support of family, friends, and loved ones truly was incredible. I can’t even begin to list the people who unselfishly gave themselves and their time to be there in so many capacities while my sister and I were in the early days of grappling with a new reality and all that entailed.
The love and genuine heartfelt support was more than just words shouted into the ether.
I have never been so proud of my family and friends — and eternally grateful for all the love, support, and space needed to twist and turn, grappling with the unknown while the mundane realities of “life as usual” was nipping at our heels as a nuisance more than a concern.
💕THANK YOU.🙏🏻💕
2022 closed with some bittersweet and painful realities — and the start of 2023 was far from a Happy New Year for me.
Thankfully the last 50 days were a single slice of time and not a physical being. Otherwise, said being would receive the true face-fucking it deserves. Not 35 minutes in a quiet room and left gasping for air. I mean the face-fucking where you’re thrown down five flights of stairs. Beaten mercilessly with crowbars, shovels, and cement bricks. Violent hair pulling followed by repeated choking, resuscitation, and strangling. Rinse and repeat. Then finally thrown into a rental van to be dumped under a bridge as an unconscious pile of meat rotting by road or lit on fire.
Admittedly, that kind of gratitude and respect would barely scratch the surface. It would be a start.
The clock has been reset as of today. I can feel an intensifying energy circling, churning, and swirling through my very being. A wave of clean energy is spiraling upwards and outwards — finally breaking out from the depths into something so beautiful I can’t even begin to shed light on it here.
I’m back. Let’s fucking go. 💕
