Roxy D’s 2017 Infosec Predictions

Everyone in infosec is making their predictions list, but you all got it so wrong. Or right, depending on if you agree with me.

1. More major breaches

You think 2016 was bad? On average, we experienced one major breach a day. You can expect at least 700 breaches over the course of the year. Better hire some more security analysts and start gearing up for the big breach.

2. China and Russia are hacking everyone.

Currently 90% of all breaches are due to China or Russia, with the remaining 10% being someone actually takes responsibility. By the end of the year, we will have only 2% of all breaches not being China and/or Russia (yes, China AND Russia might be possible.) This means more CSOs will avoid being fired by realizing all they need to do is start blaming Russia and/or China. Because that’s going to be 98% of the reason anyone ever gets hacked anymore.

3. Internet of Shit Things will increase.

With every day, more Internet-Enabled devices are hitting the world wide internet (WWI) and taking up our precious IPv4. 4chan will be hacking all of your internet enabled devices. Your fridge will turn into a sauna, and your sauna will be your fridge. Your thermostat will be making phone calls to Russia, and Russia will own your entire home network. Because Russia has nothing better to do (which is the reason behind Prediction #2.)

4. We won’t be using IPv6 as much as everyone says we will

I’ve been hearing for the last 8 years that we’re running out of IPv4. That’s because everyone bought up all the IPv4 and is using it to connect Internet of Shit Things. ISPs are hoarding the IPs too. Just give it some time and we’ll get our IPv4s back and everyone will forget about IPv6. Then we’ll go back to IPv5 being a good idea, which they will later scrap (again) and we’ll all have IPv7 addresses.

Or, maybe we’ll just pull a Windows and make it IPv10 so we’ll never have to make another version again.

5. Donald Trump theme malware

This one needs no explanation. Trump will sue me if I continue.

— Roxy

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