Make sure that he loves you more than you love him…

is probably the number one bit of advice I would offer my precious little daughter when she’s of age. That and “never listen to what a man says, watch what he does.” Leave it to me and I’m going to tell all there is to know about a man’s psyche when it comes to women. I have her best interest at heart and I want to protect her from being exploited. She will never be able to say that she did not know, because I’m going to see to it that she does. Now, what she decides to do with the information, that’s going to be up to her. I’m going to give her the tools to face ill intentions, but sometimes that just isn’t enough. At times, men and women the same, will go against their better judgment for the sake of love or lust. They concern me the same. I know that there is only so much a parent can do and by children choosing not to listen to wisdom, experience is left to be the teacher.

I have my ideal image of the type of woman I would love to raise my daughter to be. She would be something like a modern day Claire Huxtable. Claire was black, beautiful, intelligent, successful, a boss and a pillar of strength and wisdom. She epitomized what a great mother and wife should be and provided support to both her children and husband. I know she’s a fictional character but…

what would it take as a parent to raise a daughter of such high and moral caliber? How would her parents raise her?

My daughter will face adversity growing up. How she responds to these challenges will mean everything. It will literally make or break her. There are common characteristics that you will find in all successful people (i.e. confidence, a desire to learn, tenacity, positive). I want to her to be the best that she can be and trump the odds that black females face. How?! How do I raise my daughter to love her blackness, her beauty, her body and to appreciate her uniqueness? I’m going to focus on being supportive building her character.

Before I can even begin to focus on my daughter, I had to start with myself in order to provide the proper guidance. There were things within myself that I needed change in order to show my daughter how a man should treat a woman, especially, one that he loves.

I had to start living in the shoes of the type of man that I would want my daughter to bring home for me to meet.

My relationship with my wife had to be the model. Through that, my daughter will learn how to express and receive love, handle disagreements and communicate effectively.

“If you don’t give guidance to your daughter, she’ll come up with answers of her own — which means your authority will be replaced by someone else’s.” — Meg Meeker, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know

Character building

is going to be her defense against the media and social network’s depiction of black women, negative propaganda, the corruption in some of the minds of not only the youth, but human beings as well. By developing her character, it will give her self-confidence, independence, respect for herself, and a positive attitude. Even today at the young age of four, I tend to pay attention to opportunities to teach her lessons that she can be apply to her life presently. I know that she may not fully comprehend but I try my best to explain in a language that she comprehends. I prefer trying to explain than to not try at all.

My daughter displays certain characteristics now and I positively reinforce them. For instance, my daughter is very independent and likes to do things on her own without the help of her parents. I encourage that type of behavior. I believe that this trait will help her as she develops into a woman. I would prefer that she wants to be with a man rather than need to be with a man. I want her to have that choice and not to settle for anything less than what she deserves.

As a young female, my daughter needs to know that she defines who she is. It becomes more and more evident that as I am searching for a private school, I’m realizing even more that people of color are sparsely represented. I know that this can have an adverse effect on my daughter and because of that she will need to be the most confident of all her peers. She will need to know who she is and who she is not. She will have to define her own standards of beauty to appreciate and love herself. No one else should have the power to be able to do that. People are going to criticize and judge. Oftentimes, these people have no true significance in your life. So, my daughter will have to be comfortable in her skin and know that she’s more than the skin she’s in. If she’s not, she can very well end up with having a low self-esteem and insecurities that she will carry with her into adulthood.

I will tell my daughter that it is not OK to be disrespected. You have a voice just like any other man or woman. Use it to speak up. You are not anyone’s bitch, hoe, thot or any other derogatory term. Hold yourself in high regard. Love with your body. Love your shape. Love your hair. Love your skin. Don’t let anyone devalue you. She will know that she has the right to define what acceptable behavior is and to set limits. Set those limits! If someone is making you uncomfortable, speak on it and let it be known. At the same time, you have to give the same respect that you require from someone.

Each year I take my daughter to a different country. I would love for her to be worldly. I want her to know that the world is bigger than the four corners of her bedroom. I want her to experience other cultures and understand we are different and the same, simultaneously, but nonetheless beautiful. I want her to appreciate it. This is important in order to love. I absolutely have a passion to travel and I hope that she will grow and it’s something that we can share. The knowledge that I’ve gained from interacting with people all over the world and the experience of being a part of their culture is absolutely invaluable. I choose to spoil her with life experiences rather than material things. It will last her a lifetime.

My wife and I keep our daughter busy. She swims, dances and does kickboxing. With the amount of children drowning in pools, I thought it was very necessary that she learns to swim. Dancing was something that we saw she loved to do. She had her first recital this year and it was just an incredible show that the kids performed. Kickboxing is because I’m against bullying. She will know how to defend herself. It boosts confidence in kids and is great for conditioning. My daughter is taught not to use what she has learned in kickboxing to hurt others. She knows that she is only allowed to use it to protect herself. Activities for children cost a ton of money, in my opinion, but the skills that are enhanced are well worth it.

Creating great study habits are vital. These are the building blocks for developmental growth. Every day after school, we sit down with her and go over lessons. Because of this, she’s reading at a second grade level. We will continue to push her and not set limitations. A lot of times, parents put the restrictions on kid’s learning and it marginalizes them. You will be surprised if you gave your child the opportunity to learn, what they will pick up.

Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang! lol.

BOYS are one of my biggest fears when it comes to my daughter. I know how was growing up. I don’t want my daughter to go through any of what I put women through. I know that my relationship with my daughter is probably more important that her relationship with my wife. My relationship with her will affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life. I need to make sure I do my best in molding her to become a confident, strong black woman. She must know how some men only have one thing on their mind. She will know some of the repercussions she could face by making a premature decision to engage in the act of sex. It is my duty as her dad to protect her and I will do just that. I will communicate and use logic and reason when dealing with issues concerning boys or anything else for that matter. I don’t want her to rebel nor do I want her to push me away. I want to be a confidant or a sort, someone that she can talk to with just about anything. If sex is something she wants to have…(HELP ME!) she can talk to her mother about that because I’m not going to be able to handle it.

In all seriousness, I know as she becomes older and goes through puberty things will become tough for her and I. I have to put in the work now, so that i’m not phased out when this time comes. I will have to let go a little bit and hope to get more of her by doing so. I know I have to give her a little rope and allow for her to make responsible decisions on her own. I’m scared and nervous about it. The scariest thing is that all it takes is one mishap and that can derail her into a deep abyss. That’s not what I want at all. I’m hoping by building her character that she will have the sense to make some of the right choices in life.

Am I missing anything? Do you think that there is something more that can be done to give my daughter a better chance at life? Please share…

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