Do you know her?

When we met, I had a girlfriend. I told her that my girlfriend, Jasmine, and I were having issues and that I didn’t know where the relationship was going to go. For some reason, she gave me her number and allowed me into her life. We spent time and did a lot of things together. I would call on her when Jasmine wasn’t acting right. Like that time, Jasmine wouldn’t give me a ride into work because she had to be to work herself. I gave her a call and she ended up going into work late just to help me out. Now, that’s love! She held me down to the fullest and never complained about it. Every now and then though, she would ask about the status of my girlfriend, “What’s going on with you and Jasmine?” I told her not to worry about that. It wasn’t any of her concern, anyway. She was free to leave me at any time, if I was taking too long to figure things out. I pulled her close me and her body pressed against mine. “When I’m with you, I’m with you,” I said to her while I moved the hair from out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

She smiled and giggled like a little schoolgirl. “Ok,” she said. I kissed her on the lips and brushed underneath her chin with the bend of my pointer finger. I appreciated her patience but not more than I loved having the best of both worlds. When Valentine’s Day came around, she waited with anticipation to see what I was going to do. She wondered if I would ask to do something together — possibly dinner. Perhaps, I would even surprise her with flowers at her job. She would have loved to see the faces of her coworkers as the delivery man knocked on the door of her office and set down a bouquet of roses on her desk. These thoughts ran across her mind. So, she waited and waited. Valentine’s Day came and went. Instead of beautiful red roses, she received a bottle of perfume a couple of days afterwards. I told her that I didn’t celebrate the Valentine’s because it was commercial holiday. She accepted it.

Do you know her?

One day she came to me with a picture that was posted on Instagram. I didn’t have an Instagram or a Facebook account. I figured social media would only get you in trouble and opted to have neither. When I looked at the photo, my heart sunk. It was a picture of Jasmine hugged up with another dude. This wasn’t the type of hug that a buddy would give a friend in a platonic relationship. It was the type of hug that made a female feel like she was being protected and loved. He held her from behind without a shirt. From what I gathered from the photo, it looked as if they were at the beach. Jasmine was wearing a white bikini. His hands rested on each of her thighs and he was leaning forward with his chin in between the arc of her neck and shoulders and his face hidden behind a Yankee fitted cap. I asked her, “How did you get this?” That was more of a rhetorical question because I didn’t pause for an answer. I’m not even sure if she responded or not. I didn’t even give her a chance. “Please, forward me that picture” I asked in haste. I put together a text and sent it along with the pic to now my ex-girlfriend. Jasmine never even responded.

I was done with my Jasmine. We just couldn’t make it work. She wanted marriage and I needed more time. We were in our 30’s and had been together for over 5 years. I understand how she might have felt since all of her friends were getting engaged and married. I moved to the beat of my own drum. I refused to let anyone pressure me into doing anything prematurely. I guess she did what she needed to do and decided to move on from me. It was all good. I was now free to do whatever is I wanted.

I started spending more and more time with her. She would even stay the night sometimes. I enjoyed her company. She asked me again where we stood. I told her we are just friends. I just got out of a relationship. I want to get over that before going into another. “I don’t want you to feel like a rebound,” I said trying to sound convincing. She said that she understood. Thank goodness for that!

Do you know her?

I hit the dating scene with a vengeance. I was meeting women from all walks of life. I was learning about things I never knew existed. It was exciting to have a different type of conversation from what I would have with Jasmine. We tended to talk about the same thing over and over. If it was marriage, it was about children or moving in together. I met women that stimulated mentally and physically. I realized by dating that I no longer had much in common with Jasmine. We had actually grown apart. No wonder I never had to the urge to get engaged and marry to her. I dodged a bullet and didn’t realize it. I was enthralled to say the least. The more I dated, the less time I had to spend with her. See by now, her and I had been dating for about 3 years without a title. A title would give her a sense of entitlement and I just wasn’t ready for that. Don’t get me wrong, we did a lot of what a boyfriend and girlfriend would do but it was done title-less. I was having way too much fun. She was a ride or die chick and was choosing to stick with me. I could still count on her when ever I needed her. I just needed to get this out of my system and then when the time was right, it could be about her and I. Right now, I’m going to ride this wave until it dies out.

One of my homeboys introduced me to his coworker. She had a bad breakup and was ready to start dating again after a long hiatus. My boy, Joe, thought that he could help her out. Joe threw her name out to us in the group chatroom on WhatsApp, asking if anyone would be interested in going out on a date with his friend Janelle. I can’t remember how, but I was the one that ended going out on a date with her. Janelle and I met and went out for dinner. She was absolutely beautiful, inside and out. We got along so well. I did not want the night to end and I felt like she felt the same way. The conversation was flowing over wine. She was extremely intelligent, humble and humorous. I had not felt like that…ever! After several more dates, Janelle started to move into my number one slot. She was running the point guard spot on my starting five. Janelle was simply amazing!

I hadn’t seen her in a while. I was spending so much time with Janelle. She picked up on the fact that I was spending less and less time with her. It went from almost everyday of the week to seeing each other every other Thursday night. I was living my life and there just wasn’t enough ours in the day. Plus, it just wasn’t as exciting spending time with her. She was always pushing a serious relationship and my heart wasn’t with her. I appreciated all that she had done for me, but our relationship had run its course. She can do what she wants. It’s her choice to wait for me. I don’t even know why she didn’t move on from me. I’m not making her do anything against her will. She was still hopeful and just figured I was sowing my oats after my breakup with Jasmine. She might have been right…at one point.

Do you know her?

Janelle’s lease was ending in May. So, I asked her to move in with me. We were spending so much time together anyway. It just made sense. I would stay nights at a time over at her place and she did the same at my place. I thought it would be a great way for truly getting to know one another.

I saw the missed call on my phone. She even left me several text messages asking to get in touch with her. I couldn’t call her back immediately because I was out with Janelle. When I had a free moment, I gave her a call. I asked, “What’s up?” She complained about me returning her phone call 3 days later. “Do you even care about me,” she asked upset. I did care but Janelle was taking up all of my time. Things were going well and I wasn’t going to ruin that for her. I didn’t feel for the drama. “What is the emergency,” I asked annoyed. She told me that she went to the doctor and was having health issues. I stood still. I didn’t want to hear want to hear anything more she had to say. I just didn’t want to know because by this time, I had my own bit of news to share with her. Janelle and I had been together for about a year and a half and now she’s 3 months pregnant. I decided not to tell her about Janelle’s pregnancy. I didn’t want to add to the stress in her life. I will tell her another time. I told her that I would be there for her if she needed me and I will come by as soon as I had the chance.

One of my boys, Derrick, had bumped in a female friend of ours. Her name was Lisa. Lisa was actually good friends with her. We had all gone to college together. Lisa and Derrick small talked a bit over drinks and in the mix of their conversation Lisa asked about everyone. Derrick proceeded to give her the run down on what people were up to and we he got to me, he told Lisa that I was expecting a child. Lisa was taking aback and asked for Derrick to repeat what he just said. Lisa knew that she was waiting for me to come around and had even told her herself that she needs to move on. She never listened to Lisa or anyone else for that matter. Derrick, feeling a bit loose from drinking, didn’t catch on to Lisa peaked interest and repeated that I was expecting. Lisa sat back in her chair and continued on with the night.

The follow day Derrick received a text message from Lisa asking again about me expecting a child. Derrick is now sober and immediately connected the dots and realized that Lisa is going to relay this information back to her! “Nah, I meant my other boy is expecting a child. I’m not even sure if you know him or not.” The damage was already done and Derrick sensed it. Derrick texted me ASAP and asked for me to give him a call, immediately. I did so and he let me in on what happened with Lisa. Well, this wasn’t the way I wanted her to find out about me expecting but there was no way I was going to deny my child. So, I went ahead and called her.

Do you know her?

Janelle and I are excited about our kid that’s on the way. We are planning the baby shower and I eager to become a dad. I’ve been doing a little ring shopping just to get a feel for what’s out there. I’ m not in any rush. I’m going to need the money for the baby. Once the dust settles, then I will be propose to Janelle and work on building our future together. I haven’t heard from her in a while. I know she’s upset but she should be angry with her friends for telling her. I planned on doing it but I wanted to wait until she felt better. I didn’t want to add to her misery. It was dumb of her friend to say something on top of what she’s going through health wise. Misery loves company.

If you can’t relate personally to this story, I’m sure you have a friend that can to some degree. Some ladies need to wake up and not allow for a man to string them along. Ladies, you owe that to yourself.

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