Oh damn. This is rough. I meant the life you’ve lived. The writing is insane. Loved every minute of it. I felt your pain, your giddiness. I really hope that He listened while you were sober. That you were able to come clean and make it right. But if he was willing to throw it all away because you were depressed and turned to something that helped you go numb for a while, then he wasn’t worth it.

I cannot tell you how many shit storms my husband has endured. Even before, when we were finding our way through the darkness that was high school, he was there. Through all this shit, the memories, the inability to work because I’m too scared to leave the house, and rely on a strict regimen of therapy that involves an awful lot of writing, he’s been there, shouldering all the stress while I shut down and turn to the therapy and the words that help.

I’ve snapped, ignored, cried (a lot), and spiraled. I remember when ambien stopped working to help me sleep, when sleep started becoming a significant issue. I remember hallucinations of my dog and cat singing, and pixies in the air singing to me. He took it with stride. All of it.

So that’s the point. If he really connected to you on a level that you thought he was perfect for you in every way, why would you being drunk and saying something you didn’t mean, force him to turn his back on you?

Regardless, I’m happy that you’ve pulled through and are trying your best to be comfortable with yourself, because, believe me when I say, I know how wrong it feels and guilt overwhelms me at times, knowing that I rely on my husband so much. There’s always this little voice that whispers in the back of my mind that wonders when he’ll be fed up and leave. But I try not to think about it.

Thank you for sharing your story.