Of lost love
After all, in this endless world of endless dreamers, we meet everybody for a reason – Not a very very long time ago, in a world full of 7.2 billion people, I met a girl.
The girl, tall and curvy, had an uncanny knack to dream. Her hair was black, curly to the bottom ends and flowed downwards, like a clear stream flows down the mountain line. And every time we meet, she would talk about her dreams. She wanted to be a bird. “Last night I had a dream, my dream came true, I turned into a bird and flew away in a vast cloudy sky”, she said while talking over the phone once. I found all of that childish. I always longed for future and did not believe in dreaming. “What did you dream of last night”, she questioned. After a long humming pause, “I… I don’t remember my dreams, It’s all stupid”, I quipped. She would laugh off to my answers. And then, soon after a ‘what’s your plan this weekend’ and two-three ‘hmms’ she would disconnect my call and restore me back to this monotonous world. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know about her dreams. I wanted to know where would she fly to and where would she plan her nest and how would she eat and each and everything. Her voice was gentle, it reminded me of birdsongs. I wanted to pour my heart out to her. Talk about things that really mattered. That all talk of beauty being skin deep. Her eyes, misty and shy, glared when she talked about her oh-so-cool-fairytales afterall she had stored a world full of passion in them, and passion for something, someone always pulled me close; closer in her case.
One day, while we were discussing about our weekend schedules over a coffee, she opened about her darkest fears. “I fear falling down”, ‘I don’t get you, are you scared of failures?’ I asked. With a little anxiety and a lot of sadness she explained, “I had a dream last night, I was flying over those dense trees, chirping, while jumping from one tree to another. It started to thunder fiercely. I could sense rain. So I found a tree shade with huge leaves to cover myself”.’ And, then?’ ‘What happened?’ curiosity had to ask. “After the rain went off, I fluttered my wings and jumped’, ‘my wings were wet; and I could not fly. Not smoothly like I flew. I was going down, not able to carry myself, unable to take a flight. And just when I was about to reach the ground, or, I don’t know, about to take a flight, I woke up” She sighed heavily. Like a piece of rainbow had fallen from her sky.
Several days had gone by… Now, we talked for hours, all about dreams. I thought I had caged her for life. But amidst these talks and fantasies, I knew I was losing myself. And I somehow knew she would not. She had been same since the day we first met; her fears, her dreams, her wish to be a bird flying over dense trees and forests remained as it is. I, both realistic and oddly pessimistic, knew she’d be gone one day. I did not want to lose her. So, after giving a deep thought, I called her. “Last night, I was with you’. I could feel her excitement from the other side of the phone. I could hear her deep breaths, imagine her eyebrows pulling up. “We were sitting over on a nest, built with heavy pieces of tree planks and dry leaves on a window pane in an abandoned building. You were collecting worms for me; I was looking at you – Like you look towards a dream coming true. You held on to a worm by your beak, came towards me and dropped it on my beak-lock.” I felt euphoria sweep me. “But that can’t be. I want to be free, I want to fly, and birds do not live on a window pane. Not in my dream world”. She went breathless, unexpectedly.
“I want to meet you.” She ordered. I knew I had screwed up somewhere. We had to meet in a restaurant placed at outskirts of the city. She did not like to hang out in closed places, like a hotel or a café cubicle. When I reached, she was already there looking for me, nervously. She sat head down, playing with her fingers. Her hair fell over her face. It looked half sun-lit and half-shadowed. I fell in love, all over again.
In order to put things at ease, I waited for her to speak. I kept quiet, unable to speak a word more. And just when I was about to talk to her, in an utter rage and bolting comportment, she wept, “I am going”. ‘Where to?’, I asked in disarray. “I am going to live my dream and fly away to my special world” “No one would ever find me again”. I listened to her while her deep dark eyes pierced my very soul and take away all the happiness I had ever known. “I won’t let you go”. I realized I could have never caged someone who has already been a slave to her dreams. Howbeit, In a futile attempt to hold on to her forever, I stood up and held her close. I could feel her soft ample breasts pressing against my hands. I held on to the world in my arms. In an act of resistance, she pushed me backwards. I lost my balance and fell on the floor when something hard hit me on my head. It felt like a pot from over the table or a stone or something she had gotten from her home. I won’t know. And as I lay unconscious not able to open my eyes, I could helplessly imagine her transform into a bird, with her fingers, long and sensitive, turning into dainty beaks and colored feathers. I could imagine the sprout of her wings and hear a voice – A voice you hear when a bird flatters its wings, quick and swiftly to take a roller-coaster flight towards the sky. And slowly and recklessly when I was losing my unconsciousness and driving towards a sound sleep, that voice, both sluggish and unwanted, seemed to wither away towards the warm billowy white clouds. It has been three years to this and I haven’t seen her since then. Now, when most of the days I wake up to the sound of chirping birds, looking at graceful wings and hazy beaks – It reminds me of someone, someone I used to know.
After all, in this endless world of endless dreamers, every man has his share of secret sorrows.