Minisculees and the Badge
Minisculees was proud. He was damn proud. He was the tallest man ever to ride a miniature pony. Minisculees was 9 feet, 9 inches, 9 centimeters and 9 millimeters tall, to be exact.
It was a day where the sun had come up. Mini, which is what his enemies yelled at him from some distance, stoked the fire with more penny loafers from the dusty penny loafer bin that sat squatly upon the hearth.
“It sure is a waste to throw all these pennies into the fire,” said Mini. “HRUMPH!” hrumphed Mini, “But what else would I use to stoke my fire?”
Just then, it (from the Stephen King book) came to him… then it left. Then he got an idea.
“LAWSUITS! I could use lawsuits to stoke my fire! They’re free to the public and there seem to be rather abundant!” Well, it was a stroke of genius to use suits to fuel his mini-ferno.
This was a rather unfortunate turn of events for Minisculees, for the genius police quietly and effectively raided his London, Arkansas flat and cuffed him good.
With his beautiful new cuffs in hand, Minisculees remembered why he was born: to get sued. With his new lawsuit, he’d be able to feed his fire for some time to come.
The Badge of Terabreathsilofleas. It was that which he needed to complete his adventure, and to complete his homework. He always got good grades, but seldom used the lavatory. He always used too many syllables and he always kept his stockings straight. “Good night horny laundry,” I heard him mourn as I suddenly became a part of this tale. I suffered a great deal and then rewrote his movie idea into a box of popcorn lost at a pirate’s lonely sea.
“I grieve for penance,” stumbled Mini, who had now powered-up and earned himself huge, beefy biceps, and the status of VHS exercise workoutvideo. With this new concoction of a name, the man called hÜe presented himself in his finest wrinkled law-suit about how he would prevent himself from extorting money from fishguins, which are a hideously mutated version of “Norman Schwartzcough” who was hideously reported as saying, “I’ll never comida again.”
We all restrained our safety belts to him at that time.
He thought it was over. We all thought it was over. But no! Mini ran into his friend Manos Angelakis, the world famous author of such websites as Tequila Tasting II and many others.
Manos promptly extended one of his many hands and uttered the magic words, “Udder…u-deer…udder. At that point everything around Manos transformed into a New York Giant, whatever that was. Minisculees realized that his friendship with Manos was going nowhere; so he decided to elope and become a Baptist. Fin.