Story of How You Will Heal Your Broken Heart
It starts out normally. You meet a guy — just another normal guy. He doesn’t look like one of those models on cover page of fashion magazines but he has a genuine smile and a calm personality. You have a normal courtesy talk with him just like you would have with any other stranger that you meet in your everyday life. You have no interest in him or his background. He is just another acquaintance that you made that fateful day.
You see him around frequently. Probably because you share the same workspace, same circle of friends, go to the same college or have same hobbies and interests groups. So, whenever you meet him, you say a ‘hi’ and exchange pleasantries. You still have no interest in him or his story. You occasionally see him helping out people or exhibiting chivalry — a trait which is almost non-existent in today’s world. You conclude that he is a nice guy. Someone who was brought up right with similar set of values as your parents gave to you.
And then suddenly, one day, during exchanging one of the ‘Hi. Bye. Take care’ pleasantries, the conversation dragged a little longer and moved to other topics of common interest. It was something silly and simple like the movie you watched last weekend or a recent adventurous vacation he took to some place nearby. And then suddenly you see it. The passion with which he talks about it. There is both the innocence and excitement of a small kid talking in wonderment in his voice. You see his eyes twinkle a little as he talks about it. And then you blush. It’s not everyday that you see a side like that of a man and the twinkle in his eyes or the smile on his face isn’t really helping your case. That night, before you go to sleep, you remember his face — his eyes and his smile. You don’t even realise when you started smiling to yourself thinking of him before you went to sleep. And just like that, it becomes the first night when he was the last person on your mind before you went to sleep.
The next day, you hope to see him again. The universe grants you your wish and you see him walking towards you with a bright smile and the same twinkle in his eyes. You are caught off-guard again. He was never so happy to see you before. What happened last night? Did he too think about you before going to sleep? Was that bright smile and twinkle in his eyes for you?
In the days that follow, you become fast friends. You share your numbers, share your everyday details and share everything small, big and mundane that happens in your life. He is the last person you say good night to and every morning you wake up to his good morning texts. He has met all your friends and they adore you both as a ‘couple’. His family knows all about you and was very excited to meet you on his birthday dinner with friends. One day, you realize that the twinkle in his eyes now hold galaxies and that you have fallen for the soul that he is.
Thinking he is the shy type, you decide to be bold and ask him out. What’s the harm after all? You know deep down that he likes you too. His laughter has a special ring when he is with you. His eyes always search for you in a room full of people. Even though he is an extrovert, he shares private and personal details of his life only with you. Definitely you are on his mind too. And so you ask him out. You are met with a look which is a mixture of shock and confusion.
“I have always seen you only as a good friend. I know this is selfish but can’t we remain just friends? I don’t want to lose you.”
You look at him in disbelief. You are half expecting him to burst into laughter, hug you tight and say he was joking, that of course he liked you too. But only silence follows. You apologize to him. You don’t know what you are apologizing for but still do. As if liking him when all he ever felt was platonic love for you, is a crime. You apologize and leave before the streams of tears start flowing down your cheeks and make the already miserable situation more embarrassing for you. You let the tears fall after you reach home and fall on your bed, exhausted from all the emotions welling up inside you. You go back to the first memory you have of him and dissect every memory since to understand if you really misunderstood him and his feelings. You go over each and every conversations you had, you remember all the hugs that lingered a little longer, you think about all the times he showed you his vulnerable side. Was it all really because you are just a good friend? Did he really never felt that deep connection you felt all this time? Were his starry eyes not speaking of his love for you?
The next day, you dread waking up and getting off your bed. You don’t want to dress up and go out into the world where he exists. You don’t know how to react or what to say when you see him. You just wish to stay in your bed so that you never have to meet him again. You check your phone. There is no good morning text from him today. Were your feelings such a huge burden to him? Or is he feeling guilty about leading you on and so has decided to contact you only when necessary? Are you going to be just another friend like all the others he has? The questions haunt you too much and they take away the little courage you had in you to face the day ahead. You decide to call in sick, while hoping that when he doesn’t see you around, he will contact to check on you. You just need to hear his voice. You just need to know that you haven’t lost him forever because somewhere in your heart you feel that if you continue to exist in his life, one day eventually he will fall in love with you, just like you did.
But the call never comes. You are left alone to collect the pieces of your heart and heal it on your own. You take out your journal and make a plan of how you will get over him. You will show up tomorrow. If you see him around, you won’t run away. You will give him the fake courteous smile, say a ‘hi’ and walk away before he can even say or explain anything. If he insists on talking about last night then you will act maturely, listen to him and end your conversation saying you cannot remain just friends with him anymore. You are already a little too deep to forget your feelings for him so soon. You don’t hate him. You just don’t want to bother him with your unrequited feelings because now you cannot see him as just a friend. You make your decision clear and you walk away. You won’t cry in front of him and you definitely won’t be mean to him. No matter how much you miss him or how badly you want to hear his voice, you won’t fall into the “just friends” trap with the hope of winning his heart someday. It will take time, a very long time to forget his smile and the twinkle in his eyes. You will hurt and cry and complain about how unfair unrequited love is. But you will stay strong and remain determined to not to pick up the phone and beg him to reconsider his decision.
You will cry yourself to sleep many nights praying God to help heal your broken heart, to help you forget all the happy memories that hurt you now. God will listen to your prayer every night and he will give you the patience and resilience to move forward. He will send his love through your family and friends who will act as his angels and help you get back on your feet. They will teach you to laugh again, to live again and be fearless to love again. They won’t let you think that this was “the end”. They will push you to go into the world and help you find your own place and identity again. And somewhere in all of this, you will one day stumble upon him again and you will feel nothing. You won’t feel the hurt, you won’t feel the need to run away. The awkward smile on his face or the lost twinkle in his eyes won’t bother you. This time you won’t say ‘hi’. This time it will be “good bye and take care!”
And that day, you will realize that you have finally healed.