Someday, But Not Today


I stopped watching ESPN last year because I just couldn’t take it anymore. As if ESPN’s Two Stooges, Mike & Mike weren’t annoying enough, First Take’s Stephen A. Smith made me want to take my own life. Oh sure, Skip Bayless was wrong every single time he opened his mouth or Twittered, but he was always good for a few yuks, wasn’t he? One of his Tweets said that Johnny Manziel would one day be more famous in Cleveland than Lebron James. Oh, man. Remember that one?Those were the days.

It was good to see some approbation of the Patriots on an ESPN show for a change of pace, and Skip was one of the very few talking heads who gave #12 his props. But now that old Skip has gone to go spread the crazy at Fox Sports, we’re left with the smug King of Assholery, Max Kellerman.

Kellerman was formerly on ESPN’s SportsNation, but now he is turning up the dickitude quotient on First Take to overdrive. First Take amasses much more national attention than SportsNation. I did know that Kellerman is a self-proclaimed Giants Kool-Aide drinker, so I already hated his stupid guts.

Kellerman made his debut first-week, knowing he had to make a splash. So, what does he do? He trashes Tom Brady, arguably the greatest quarterback to have ever played the game.

So, Kellerman launches into this attack, calling Brady a “bum”, that he is “ready to fall off a cliff”, etc. “He’s just about done. He’s going to be a bum in short order.” HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, he was serious. Here’s the link.

Kellerman says that he also predicted this outcome for other superstar athletes, including Derek Jeter, Peyton Manning and Kobe Bryant, whose performances fell off sharply in recent years and caused them to retire. Well, thanks for the heads-up, Max. He says, “Willie Mays and Muhammad Ali fell off at a certain point. You think Tom Brady can’t?”

No, Max. We all think Tom Brady will play at an elite level until he trips over his beard, you fucking moron.

It’s not exactly an enlightened opinion to say that at 39, Brady won’t be able to play the most demanding position in a brutal sport for many more years. That’s like predicting that the sun will rise in the East tomorrow morning. Congratulating himself for foreseeing the onslaught of time does not make him Carnack the Magnificent. He is just another ridiculous fool on ESPN. I think they grow them like mushrooms behind the set. I swear to God — where do they come from?

If you haven’t seen the rant and decide to look, watch Kellerman. I wonder if he even believes his own bullshit. He sits back and watches with this self-satisfied, mission-accomplished grin. He knows that there are idiots who rise to the bait, rant and rave, complete with fist-shaking at the stars, “How dare he?”

I’ve heard other Pats fans who say, “Oooooo, Brady is pissed now!” Brady is not pissed now. Brady is focused now. I’d be surprised if he is aware of the piece. It’s part of his greatness. He doesn’t rattle. It takes more than a little pissant like Max Kellerman to shake up Tom Brady.

There will be your pathetic losers who have been waiting for the Bears to win a playoff game for the first time since 2007, and have been eating their hearts out since Brady came on the scene. Of course, they will be loving this.

The point is that Max Kellerman may or may not believe that Tom Brady is through. That’s not the point. The important thing is that he made sure that no one but no one would be talking about Skip Bayless, but they will be talking about him. No one would be missing Skip or making comparisons. Kellerman could make even Pats/Brady hater Stephen A. Smith sputter more than Bayless ever could.

Plus, when Tom Brady is about 52-years-old and finally decides to quit professional football, Max Kellerman can look at the camera, grin smugly and say, “See? I told you so.”

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