How To Improve Your Well-being When You’re Struggling

Not too long ago, I was struggling.

Nothing terrible had happened. No disagreements with family or friends. No life-altering crisis. No reason to feel anything other than blissful, actually. But still — I struggled.

I struggled to get up in the mornings, to make it though the day and even to go bed at a decent hour (my irrational attempt at stalling a new day). In alliance with my self-destructive tendencies, I was hard on myself about it; constantly putting myself down for being a distant wife, an impatient mother, a half-present employee, a selfish friend and an all-around lazy, grumpy and negative human being.

Ever been there?

I finally came to the conclusion that I was wasting my energy focusing on all of the ways I was failing, rather than using what little energy I had on trying to make an improvement.

I’m currently reading “Thrive” by Arianna Huffington. She explains why money and power alone are not enough to define success. We need what she calls the ‘Third Metric of success’, which consists of well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving. She uses eulogies as an example of something Third Metric and explains how we rarely hear about a person’s career success’s at funerals — how much money they made, the amount of money they saved their company, the extra hours they put in at the office — rather, what we most often hear at a eulogy is how much they were loved by friends and family, how passionate they were at ____ (fill in the blank), their kindness/empathy/compassion, and the ways they made us laugh. “So why do we spend so much of our limited time on this earth focusing on all the things our eulogy will never cover?” she prompts.

So, how does this apply? The first part of her ‘Third Metric’ is well-being… when we’re feeling down by unknown factors, well-being is almost always part of the problem.

There’s no magic cure for feeling the blues. What works on some won’t work on others, and what might’ve helped you in the past won’t necessarily help you in the future. However, I want to share with you a few of the things that have been working with me in hopes that if you should find yourself in a situation similar to mine, you’ll have a few places to start.

Gratitude. According to Happify, “People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems.” One of the more common ways to practice gratitude on a deeper level is to keep a gratitude journal; most often suggested as part of your morning routine. I don’t know about you, but mornings just aren’t my thing. So instead, I’ve implemented a new routine for my 25 minute drive to work. I’ll listen to a few songs to start my drive (you can also drive in silence if it’s more peaceful for you). I then turn it off and spend the rest of my drive talking to myself (yes, out loud! No one is looking at you and if they are — who cares!). The first thing I do is say out loud all of the things I’m grateful for — not broad items like family, friends, etc. — I get specific: I’m thankful my husband went to the grocery store last night so I’d have lunch for today, I’m thankful I received extra hugs and kisses from my son this morning, I’m thankful I was able to spend some time reading last night, etc. It’s amazing how much of a difference this can make!

Meditation. The next thing I do is meditate. In this video, a Tibetan Buddhist explains that “you have the ability to engage in the practice anytime, anywhere; simply be aware of your breath; breathe in, breathe out”. I spend a few minutes focusing on my breath… inhaling, exhaling. Sometimes I find my ‘monkey mind’ wondering off and that’s okay… once I notice it, I just regain my focus.

Pep talk. The last thing I do before I walk into work is give myself a pep talk. Remember, I am doing all of this out loud. My mind has too many thoughts going on at a given time for one particular thought not to be interrupted or overshadowed by another. This is key. It doesn’t have to involve a fancy speech or even encouraging advice really… most of the time I just focus on the words I feel like I need for that day (common words include: patience, kindness, calmness, understanding, clarity, one-thing-at-a-time). I’ll repeat these words over and over; trying to visualize the meaning of the word — instilling it into my brain so that these words are there to guide me throughout my day.

I’m not magically cured of the blues, and I still have my moments (we all will), but I have a more improved positive outlook and an overall healthier ‘well-being’. If you find yourself struggling, try some of this out and see if it helps — it surely can’t hurt!

If you’re interested in reading, “Thrive” by Arianna Huffington, click here!