The Great Con Job of 2016

Marketing and Selling Donald J. Trump

The many faces of Donald J. Trump

He is aging and overweight. Intimates say he’s fastidious about his appearance. With manicured nails and a dyed and shellacked blonde mane, everyone recognizes him.

He scrunched up his face and looked out at the audience. Both he and his congregants turned to find the noise. A man loudly muttered, “this is boooring.”

“Get him out of here. Out out out,” he bellowed from his bully pulpit. In mere seconds, a goon squad appeared from nowhere, and they removed the man.

Republican candidate Donald Trump held a town hall meeting at the Castleton Banquet and Conference Center in Windham, NH today. The capacity for the venue is 800 people and 600 showed up. Trump said the place was packed. Go figure.

I watched Trump speak to his supporters live on CNN. I’d never watched him in front of a crowd and I have no interest quite frankly. The debates and news sound bites are enough.

He called women “darling.”

He spoke about himself in the third person. “Trump is leading in all the polls.” The audience applauds.

He recited opinion poll numbers like he’s carried another state.

He swore that he’s only spending money on campaign ads because he feels guilty about his success.

He thanked the local Fire Marshall for bending the rules and letting the venue go over capacity. (Reporters said the venue wasn’t full.)

He bragged about the millions who follow him on social media (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram).

He boasted about his personal net worth and business success.

He criticized an opponent for the money squandered in his campaign.

He praised a “liberal” magazine cover story that feature him and the movement he allegedly created.

Did Trump create a political movement? A bowel movement maybe. I find that I can’t resist potty humor where Donald Trump is concerned.

He slammed a “failing” New Hampshire newspaper, the “useless leader,” that had the gall to endorse a rival.

He reminded the gathered devotees that he “hates” the “dishonest” news media.

He huffed. He puffed. He rambled.

He complained that the German Chancellor was on a magazine cover that he covets.

He shared that his friend who “happens to be a very good guy,” has a problem and questioned whether his Canadian-born pal could run for president.

“You can’t have a nominee that will be thrown out of being the nominee.”

He announced that he dreamt about running against a guy in the general election.

He implored the Federal Bureau of Investigation to indict the current front-runner. “Please please” he cried. “Get her.”

I immediately felt disgusted by his blatant hate and sexism.

He grimaced. He snorted. He sighed.

I surmised that he’s a mouth breather. You know the kind. Snoring goes without saying, and it’s when they’re awake that they breathe loudly through their open mouth. Yuck.

“We’re winning” he shouts as he looks down at his hand. “Trump 47 Opponent 43. We’re winning!”

“Winning what,” I ask myself. He says he’s never lost at anything. I start to fantasize about Billie Jean King whipping his ass at tennis. Then I imagine Britney Spears shaving his head, and all is well again with the world.

He brandished reading glasses and continued to scream numbers. “We’re so far ahead of everybody. We’re gonna win big.”

It dawns on me that these numbers come from public opinion polls that are unnamed and unverified. Not a single vote has been counted. What is he winning?

He yelled, “President Obama you’re fired. That’s an easy one.”

Any easy one? The president is in the last year of his second term. “You’re fired?” Maybe Trump is senile and thinks he’s on the set of his awful television show. Who exactly is he talking to?

He recited his mantra that he’s going to build a wall on our southern border. Then he asked, “who’s gonna pay for the wall?” The audience screamed “Mexico.”

Mexico might pay for a giant piñata of Trump’s head and I don’t blame them.

Then he started in on people and entities that he doesn’t like. It was like listening to a four-year-old list the foods he or she doesn’t like to eat.

“Macy’s did a number on me and went down. That’s a good thing.”

Sununu was fired like a dog. Karl Rove is a stiff. Take away George Will’s little glasses and he’s a nothing.”

“My life is about success. I own the greatest assets in the world with very little debt.”

“I’m the most militaristic person in this room. We will build the biggest and strongest military in the world.”

“Everything I do is very successful.”

I tried to pay attention to the blowhard because so many credible media outlets say that this racist, sexist, hateful misogynist could be the Republican party’s nominee for president.

I was struck by the fact that at a campaign event he just rambles on and on about nothing and just talks about himself. There was no substantive or serious discussion about ANY issue. As Vice President Walter Mondale once asked, where’s the beef?

It’s like he’s trying to convince us, as well as himself, that we should like him because he’s successful. If he’s not convinced, how can we be?

Trump makes inflammatory statements and takes positions that repulse us all, and his views are contrary to our current laws and Constitution. I know that you know that and he knows that.

During an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer this past weekend, he smirked and quickly whispered, “I play games to get what I want all the time in business.” He’s playing games with politics too. I know that you know that and he knows that.

There’s only one winner in the game, and if Trump wins we lose. I know that and you know that and he knows that too.

I’d like to feel like we’re all in on the game, and any minute now we’re gonna call his bluff. Will he or won’t he blink?

Then I remember it’s not a game.

It’s the great con job of 2016.