Child Traumatized Finding Out Hand Shaped Like Turkey

TALLAHASSEE — After being escorted from his kindergarten art class on the Wednesday leading into Thanksgiving, traumatized student Trevor Morrow was too shaken to speak to a hoard of mobbing reporters. The class was told to trace their widespread hands on construction paper and once he did, Trevor’s world was turned upside down. Art teacher, Mrs. Kirschner, explained, “there is a fine line between what is ‘art’ and what is ‘reality.’ Knowing that the human hand is based off of Nature’s interpretation of the profile view of a turkey, Trevor will be able to tap into his mind’s eye to find other direct and artistic similarities between human anatomy and birds.” Tallahassee elementary schools plan to introduce a new series of art history classes titled “Humans are from Birds” to lessen the overwhelming impact these discoveries may have on students. “Over my dead body will our schools teach our children that we evolved from Turkeys!” argued area PTA Warrior, Jeff Stahl. When Trevor was finally able to regroup, he smothered gravy atop his artwork and ate it.

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