Living Little | Tiny Houses
With alternative living strategies peaking, many are resorting to unorthodox, yet highly efficient lifestyle changes (to promote their hipster mien). A recent wave of minimalists have completely turned the housing market on it’s head by romanticizing Lincoln log and lego homes, dubbing them “Tiny Houses.” Though they are indeed “tiny,” it is debatable whether they are stretching the word “house” to its absolute limit, or vastly exceeding it. Disregarding what others may say, Tiny Homes come with irrefutable advantages for society’s penny-pinchers.
These few-thousand-square-millimeter dog houses for humans boast impressive functionality. Interior flows are so utilitarian that you can literally wash your tiny dishes while taking a tiny shit on your tiny toilet, although it is ill-advised if aiming at sanitary practices. You and your spouse can spoon on a twin bed lofted above a stove that you better remember to turn off. Now that you and your significant other will be forever in tight-proximity, you will be closer than ever. With Tetris-inspired floor plans, you and your family will take turns spending time indoors, unless you are all Abbigail Dorrill — a veteran contortionist found here.
There is an unspoken competition to have the most cleverly-designed, sustainable treehouse in the tiny home community. If you are not one to grandstand, you can just download a 3D-printable version and construct one in a day’s time. If you are planning to get a tiny home, however, there is a realistic possibility that you do not have a computer; here lie alternative options:
- Refashion a food truck
- Melt 6 porta potty’s together, cut the walls out.
- Defend a shed in front of Home Depot
- Erect a blanket fort in your parents’ basement
- Find a quiet dumpster, preferably behind a bakery. The bread is thrown out every evening, providing food and cushion.
If downsizing from a traditional home, you may experience some initial shock and claustrophobia, which is certainly warranted. To cope with your new, compact lifestyle, you can simply abuse Xanax. If you prefer not to pop pills in order to gain comfort, you should move to a bigger home.
Author: Samuel Crawford
Originally published at drunkcharity.org on October 2, 2016.