Be a ‘Second Thinger’

Chatting this morning to my amazing mum. It struck me how much she’s become open to the ideas and ideals of others. She’s always enjoyed a good debate and we’re often on different sides of a political argument. But we do listen, we do shift and then we often rethink our positions.

It hasn’t always been this pleasant an exchange, as with any heated political debate, particularly when one of your is a spotty teen with a lot of hormones and big, newly informed opinions. But the one thing that has helped this to become a more healthy discourse (and no longer a slanging match) is by us saying the second thing that comes to mind not the first.

The first thing is so often the primal, lizard, gut thing we want to say. The second thing is often more measured, more structured and more reasonable. First things are often visceral, wanton and said out of fear or fight. Second things tend to be kinder, thoughtful, respectful. They are also often sharper, clearer, informed.

It’s been a week here in the UK of passion, a lot of it unbridled and ugly. The weeks to come are likely to be challenging at best, bigoted and violent at worst. So as we deal with the world that’s being crafted by the first-thingers on both sides of the political world let’s give ourselves a moment and return their words with our second thing. The thing they need to hear and not necessarily the thing we want to say (at first!) The thing that brings them closer to us, not the thing that will keep pushing them away towards an isolated and narrow point of view.

Be a second-thinger!