Could I Invite You To Take My Promo Code?

“Pets.gif” by Julian Glander (@glanderco), http://glander.co/

Hi Jennifer, It’s me, Len Kosmer.

We went out for coffee last April and I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I noticed your Cophee updates and saw that you’re getting your java from Gold Cup machines these days so I thought I’d pass along my promo code.

I’m a Premium Drip member which means you’ll get ten percent off your first purchase with it, and Gold Cup Rewards Percentages on every other subsequent purchase. If you like Gold Cup’s quality and service so much that you upgrade your own status to Premium Drip with my code, we both get a free day’s worth of unlimited coffee! See attached.

Dearest Mr. Palmer,

Thanks again for meeting with me tonight about my nephew, Kyle Lipman. What with my sister Katie working the swing shift at the fabricators and all, we really appreciate you making time to chat with us. You had some great insights into why he might not be responding to his pre-school stimulant packages that we’re going to pass along to the family physician during his next scan.

I wanted to pass along my promo code for FlashBus, because as I mentioned, I’m a certified ride associate due to our taking it so often, so they’ve authorize me to pass around a small discount for qualified friends and family. I know you said you’re fine riding the Metro system, but FlashBus has all kinds of benefits like charging stations, affordable wireless hubs, and transient-free seating set-ups available during high volume travel hours. If you’re ready to get everywhere you need to go to make sure you’re doing the best for your students like you did for our Kyle, see attached.

Hey there Flaherty,

Wanted to zing back at your HeadsUp notification about mandatory Saturday sessions this week — I pre-filed with HR about some extra hours downtown at the fabricators so I’m going to go ahead and take the hit on my financial score because I gotta get my WorkPoints in before the month ends. Hope you understand.

If you don’t have anyone lined up I hope you’ll try my promo code for TempOut, a slick new temping service that operates at the immediate speed of now. You can hire my first eight hours for free, and if you replace my position with this new hire we both get a few dozen credits worth of promotional coupons. See attached!

Hello Pritta,

My name is Len Kosmer, our mutual friend Donnie Wilbanks gave me your messenger ID. Your profile picture popped up when I was liking a few of Donnie’s vacation photos and I felt compelled to say hello, our profile ratings seem so aligned that I figured we ought to connect.

Listen, if you’re free next week, I know the manager at that new guaranteed authentic Italian spot, Michello’s, he’ll give us a free table reservation and half off apps if we book together with my promo code. We both have to activate our listings within an hour of each other, so whenever you click through and reserve a spot, hit me up so I can dial us in!

Mikhael,

No can do on the group chat for the game Monday night, I’m leasing my serverloads to some of the fabricator crews during peak hours so my hosting status will be fried until Tuesday morning. Hope I didn’t step on any toes trying to offer those bros from your office passkeys to my fantasy betting platform, I should’ve known the Mikester would’ve already scooped up the noobs over there.

That said, If you want everybody’s feeds aligned in the same space throughout the games, I’d shoot over to ChatterZoop after kickoff and use my code for some wild bonus content after the final whistle, their sports channels host multi-network video lines with choice commentaries and affordable replay packages. Check dat attachment, duder!

Hi Tammy,

I came across your ad in ClassiFriends for links into additional social networks for a flat fee. Can you send me an invoice for a few thousand new names in the greater metropolitan area of Boston by Friday?

If you need payment quicker, I can get you a two hour turnaround on a certified invoice for a flat $5 fee with the WalletBuddies app. I’ve got a code attached here that waives new account’s start-up costs and nets you points back on every hundred bucks you spend.

Defendant Kosmer has repeat offenses in nine state territories for credit fraud and promotional debt well in excess of federal limits, and has repeatedly broken the Verified Identity Stature in an effort to disseminate them. The Electronic Supreme Court of Jacksonville recommends that he be removed from local custody to serve consecutive sentences in the nearest state facility.

Cell blocks too full? Containment conditions uncertifiable under existing law? The Florida Department of Justice is teaming up with the Enforcedster sentencing network to commute thousands of prisoners at little or no cost to your taxpaying public. Qualifiable municipalities can enter the following promo code to receive the best available containment rate. See attached.

Mom, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you and Gerry this weekend.

I know how much Dad’s death means to you, so I cycled a couple of my promo codes through Griefer and got a few free wreaths sent over for the memorial. Some might have ads on them, but if you drop some of the TippingPro codes I attached below to the delivery guys they’ll usually strip them off for cheap as they set them up.

If I can steal away from the fabricator shop here for a few minutes, I’ll tape a live video element for the family logging in. Tell everybody I miss them a lot in here, and make sure the program has some links to my profile in it, okay?

If you enjoyed this ardent imagining of the immediate future, smash that “YES!” icon and share it throughout your feeds to any and all eligible profiles in the next two minutes for a chance to win a promotional discount on your next short fiction experience!