For White Voices
Dear White People,
For those of you who are speaking out, especially if this is a relatively new experience for you, your resolve is about to be tested. Your opposition is going to play on your discomfort and past prejudices that you still may be wrestling with. They will call themselves playing Devil’s advocate, point to who they deem as the “worst,” most stereotypical-looking black person they can find and imply, “This is who you are standing up for?” They will “what about” everything you say in order to diminish the heart of important issues. They will speak angrily and reflexively, call you names, say that you are weak, and generally do anything they can to get you to shut up and cower. Most importantly, they will intentionally distract from and ignore the point. This opposition will come from people you never expected. People you genuinely care about. People you respect and look up to.
I am not telling you this to scare you. I am telling you this to prepare you for what is coming. What you may already be experiencing. Speaking truth is not easy. Standing up against marginalization and oppression is exhausting. Fighting against stubbornness, manipulation, and intellectual dishonesty is draining. Deconstructing whiteness is arduous work. And being disappointed by those who champion whiteness can be truly heartbreaking.
So, how do you go about sustaining this new voice? I do not have all the answers, but I can provide some tips I have experienced over the years.
1. Remain focused on what matters. Easiest way to do this: “If this happened to me or another white person I care about, would I find it acceptable?”
2. Pace yourself. You cannot change everything all at once, and it is easy to spiral into a frenzy. You are fighting against a 400+ year construct and mentality, including the one within yourself. Take several breaths, rest when needed, and remember that you do not have to speak about everything or all the time.
3. Keep learning and growing. Ask thoughtful questions. Find resources. Actually watch and read said resources. Carefully observe. Reevaluate past assumptions and beliefs. Follow and respectfully interact with people who know more than you, especially those who have experiences that you cannot have. When in doubt, ask. Most importantly, listen.
4. Do not fall for false equivalency. If a group is marginalized or oppressed, then things are unequal by default. There is no justification for injustice.
5. You are one person. You do not speak for everyone. You are no one’s savior. Learn when to stand with, alongside, in front of, and behind. Remember that you are part of the narrative, not the focus of it. Your feelings matter, but rarely are they the most important.
6. A cool head and a humorous spirit will carry you far when facing opposition. Keep your emotions in check and fight against your reflexive responses. You will save yourself a lot of embarrassment and avoidable headaches.
7. Cultivate a trustworthy, multifaceted inner circle. You will need to hone and vent. Frequently.
8. Whiteness loves to “what if,” “what about,” and “yeah but,” using paper-thin black & white logic and virtually no empathy. Learn to recognize the game and outthink it with questions and responses that adhere to point #1.
9. Context is vital. Try your best to understand the entire picture. Present your case with proper framing.
10. Your goal is not to change people’s minds. Your goal is to provide an opportunity for others to think and reflect as you share your thoughts.
11. When having a public discussion or debate, the public is watching. Your words’ impact reaches further than you realize.
12. When you encounter foolishness, treat it as such.
13. Learn to be comfortable with discomfort. You will find more grey than you will black and white.
14. There will be people who view you as a rival or arch-nemesis. As you gain traction, they will try to hijack your platform for their own purposes. Just take it as a compliment and outperform them each and every time.
15. During interactions, give new challengers opportunities to course correct. Give habitual line steppers no such quarter.
16. You will make mistakes. Own them. Learn from them.
17. You are not responsible for your ancestors. You are responsible for your shortcomings, blind spots, and contributions to whiteness.
18. Learn to distinguish genuine conversation/debate from disingenuous riff-raff.
19. Criticism is an opinion’s shadow. Get used to it.
20. “I am sorry if what I said offended you” is not a sincere apology. “I am sorry for being offensive” is. Learn the difference.
21. When standing up for someone of a marginalized group, do not qualify their humanity with their educational background, job, lack of criminal record, etc. You are standing up for their humanity, not their credentials.
22. There is no need to apologize for or be embarrassed about being considered a white person. It is the socially constructed mentality that is being fought, not your physical features or who you are as a person.
23. People from marginalized groups may be wary of you. We have generations of experience and countless reasons to be. Remain patient and sincere. You will get further through attraction than you will by demanding.
24. Align your public and private personas.
25. Do the work in order to make people’s lives better, not for personal praise and recognition.
26. People learn at their own pace. It can be extremely frustrating. Keep going anyway.
27. Never take people who use the word ‘sheeple’ seriously, seriously. Seriously.
Keep going. Have each other’s backs. You are needed.
(Yes, I ended on an odd number. Humorous spirit and comfort with discomfort, remember?)
