My rapist can get a gun easier than I can get wifi

Ok. I get it; guns are kinda cool. I grew up with hunters in my family. I remember my uncle teaching me how to shoot at the carved out range on his ranch. I always looked forward to visiting my cousin so that he could take me shooting. I was (am) jealous that he inherited my grandfather’s 30 ot 6.

I appreciate that I have the 2nd amendment right to go buy a handgun. And we have seen it established how easy (if you are not in the city of Chicago or in California) it is to purchase virtually any firearm of choice. Awesome. Thank you America for giving me the option to protect myself.

But you know who also can easily buy a gun. My rapist.

Yep. I am going to bring him up because guns/protection come up pretty much anytime someone finds out that I was sexually assaulted.

He broke into my home around 3:30 am. He was armed…. With a knife. So I get it, I know all too well that if a criminal does not have easy access to a gun they will find a different weapon.

Yep — so if you haven’t guessed, I have lost count of the times I have heard, ”If you had only had a gun, maybe he wouldn’t have raped you.”

I didn’t even hear my front door open that night. I heard the clack, clack, clack of his cowboy boots on my hardwood floors, and before I had time to reach for my phone (that was on the nightstand) he was on top of me. Knife pressed into my neck.

I think back — and I wonder what if I had a gun?? Well, my then 3-year-old daughter was sleeping with me — so obviously I would have had to have it locked in a box and unloaded. So 1) I would not have had the time to unlock the safe then load the gun. And 2) I know myself. Even if I had a readily accessible loaded gun, I would have hesitated. I would have taken pause to ask myself if I could pull the trigger and take a human life in the presence of my young child.

I know there are many other stories — I have had hordes of people sending me links to different individuals who were able to protect their family during horrific events. Congrats to those people. I am very appreciative of our 2nd Amendment and that they had a means to protect themselves. I fully support that.

That was not my story — and not my fate. I stayed “calm” and “cooperated” and he decided not to ‘gut me like a deer’ (his words).

I testified. I hope none of you have ever to testify against someone who has committed a violent crime against you. It’s terrifying. Yes, my assailant was known to me. I also knew his love affair with firearms. I told the prosecutor about my fear of being shot in the parking lot. The night of the attack he told me if I reported it he would come back and kill me.

Now he is a convicted felon (with a lighter sentence than Brock Turner). And he has guns. He always had guns — just that particular night he did not have a firearm on him. He had a hunting knife. His family and friends support his 2nd amendment right. He buys privately from them and he had always been obsessed with gun shows. Seems fair, I guess.

So now I live in a safe housing program. I cannot give my address to anyone, not my employer, not the electric company. It is immensely more difficult for me to order internet service that it is for him to buy a firearm (The last time I moved, it took me 5 weeks to get wifi setup, because for my safety, my customer data is anonymized). All he has to do is buy it somewhere other than Cabelas. (pardon my cynicism, yes, I do know that he has to avoid all federally licensed retailers) But thank fucking god for the 2nd Amendment and the NRA that lobby for his right to buy from private sellers and gun shows.

At least I also have the right to purchase a gun too — and then premediate his manslaughter if he ever figures out where my daughter and I are hiding, err living I mean.