It’s a beautiful day.

This is a note from 24–05–2017.

It has been more than a month since I met him. I was hoping to wind up everything and get disillusioned with this person by then. On the contrary, after a couple of hours of irritable demeanor, I was slowly thrown back to that old self. I was touched.

This blue screen reminds me of him. Everything in my life, even the clothes that I am wearing right now reminds me of him. I was happy and deeply melancholic when I left him.

I felt like one of those Sabina’s paintings- “torn between two worlds”- not knowing when to end and where to stop. There were no sign boards, no warning triggers and I went quite farther- farther from where I was supposed to be. I suddenly feel naked- and ashamed , I feel vulnerable. I feel I’m exploited. by my vulnerable self. I wish I was nothing.

I wish I never have had all these experiences I have right now.

I wish. I wish.

Ps: Yes I was disillusioned. It ended.

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