Reflections of the year gone by

This one, for a change, is not a research piece, a commentary, or an op-ed on any issue. This week’s blog post is the last one for the year 2022 and is a reflection on how this year fared for me.

As we are on the last leg of the year 2022, there are certain things that I have learned, certain dreams that I fulfilled, and certain things I failed at. I will lay all of it down today in front of you in this blog post without any hide and seek. I am not going to mask my failures or highlight only my achievements.

When the year started, I was already six months into my first full-time job and almost a year into the first healthy relationship of my life. These were the two important things I carried forward into the new year. And truth be told, I was grateful and happy about where my life stood when the new year started.

I, in fact, finally mustered the courage to pen down all my poems and convert them into a book. It took me seven years to finally believe that my poems were worthy enough for the world to read and cherish. I took all my poems, made a manuscript, and sent them to publishing houses. One of the publishing houses accepted the manuscript and decided to publish it. I also started a weekly newsletter to talk about gender rights and menstrual and sexual health rights which I am so passionate about.

But despite my life finally falling into place and my dreams finally taking shape, my overthinking brain didn’t let me believe that things could go right for me. There have been days when I have spiraled into the loop of overthinking and anxiety constantly, but I didn’t know how to put it in words and convey to people that I wasn’t feeling right despite everything working out in my favour for a change. I was at a loss for words. Quite ironic for a writer, isn’t it?

Some call this an effect of imposter syndrome when you cannot believe that you deserve whatever you have achieved. I, for one, didn’t believe that it was the imposter syndrome that was affecting me. It was more like the constant fear of things going wrong at any moment.

And boy, was I right! Things did go wrong. I failed to keep myself consistent with my writing, fell sick, underwent multiple vaccinations for allergies, and struggled to carry on with day-to-day chores alone in another city 1500 km away, trying to build a home away from home.

But one thing that kept me going was my super supportive friends that I have found over the years. Most importantly, the friends I found in this new city while building a whole new life gave me hope even during my darkest hours. My office colleagues turned friends made it a lot easier to get through trying times when at one point, for over 15 days, I had no place to stay in the city.

But as they say, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” There’s always hope, even during the darkest hours. And this year redefined hope for me in more ways than one.

Despite all the curveballs that life threw at me this year, I learned to be more forgiving, patient, and, most importantly, grateful for everything the year has given me and the lessons it taught me. I learned to find love even in places it was not easy to find. I learned to forgive even when it was hardest for me to do. I learned to pick myself up even when I had all the reasons to reel in sadness. And no matter how poetic it sounds, it wasn’t my achievement alone. It was my friends, and my parents that made life a little less unbearable and a little more lovable.

And no matter where I go from here, and what I do, I will remember 2022 for all that it has given me and all that it has taken away from me only to make me the better version of myself I am today.