Good Morning, Vietnam

25 September 2015
Hanoi, Vietnam
Friday

I feel exhausted — in a good way.

Vietnam IS Apocalypse Now (“The horror! The horror!”).

Loud, hectic, hot, and humid.

Trying to cross the street for the first time felt like the last think I’d ever do.

No wonder Kurtz went insane.

Skipping Bali and coming here instead was a good decision.

I wish I had more time to explore the South.

I still need to try the famous egg coffee.

Oh well, next time…

The highlights: wandering aimlessly around Hanoi, dining out at the street stalls among the locals, and sitting on a sidewalk on a tiny stool sipping on a 30c home-made beers.

It’s funny how I almost missed my flight getting here three days ago.

I rocked up at the Changi Airport 90 min. ahead of time, feeling very happy with myself. I opted for the train. I still had some credit left on my EZ-Pass and wanted to save money on taxis. I was a bit worried if the train would get me to the airport in time, but of course it did, no dramas.

Singaporean efficiency, anyone?

I went to get my boarding pass, and this is when things started to get hilarious.

“Hello. Welcome to Tiger Airways. Where are you traveling today?”

“Hanoi”

“Sure. Can I see your invitation letter?”

“Su…hold on, the what invitation?”

“You need an invitation letter to be able to enter Vietnam”

“Can’t I get a visa on arrival?”

“You can, but you still need the letter with you before I can let you board the plane”

“Ok, give me a sec.”

I jumped on my phone and found an agency that would apply for it on my behalf. Still, it would take roughly 4 hours before it could be issued and that’s even when going with the quickest (most expensive) option. I figured it wasn’t too bad — I could still get on the plane now and the letter would come through either by the time I landed, or I would have to spend a couple of hours at the airport waiting for it.

Easy.

I lodged the application, paid the hefty fee, waited for the confirmation e-mail, and went back to the counter.

“How’d you go?”

“Good! I applied! Here’s the confirmation e-mail”

“Yeah, nah, I need to see the actual letter, otherwise I can’t let board the plane. Come back when you get it”

“But…”

“Next, please!”

I had no one to blame, but myself. I should’ve checked the visa requirements before booking the flight. All the SE Asia countries I’d been to so far issue the visa on arrival, no questions asked. I assumed Vietnam was no different.

I was amused with the whole situation more than anything else.

Worst case scenario I would have to re-schedule the flight and stay another night in Singapore. I still had an hour before the departure, so I called the people processing my application to see what the story was. They said the earliest they could get the letter is 10am.

“I meant to be taking off at 10am”

“We’re doing our best”.

I went to talk to the customer service to see if I could work my magic on them. It kind of worked because the head lady said she would issue me the boarding pass and if the letter came within the next 30 min, she’d let me board the plane.

I rang the letter people again and again was assured they were doing their best.

Plus, I was told it happens all the time, and they get calls from people like me all the time. What she meant, but didn’t say was, that I was no special, that I should stop calling and let them do the work….

That’s bullshit…my parents have always told me I was special!

I went to get a coffee.

Coffee’s always a good idea.

At 9:45, with no letter in sight, I went to see the customer service again. My magic could get me only so far — I’m not that skilful a magician. Instead, I tried to come up with all the reasons why she should let me fly after all, and how much of a loss it would be for the people of Vietnam if I didn’t make that flight.

“There you are!! How’d you go? Did you get it??”

“Nah, but it’s on the way! Look, will you let me go anyway? I’m a really nice pers…”

“Ring them again and let me speak to them. Quick! HURRY!!!”

As I was dialling the number, I got a push notification.

New email.

Could it be…?

It’d better be…

IT WAS!

I bet they waited till the very last minute just to toy with me.

I bet they were Australians.

“Here it is!”

“Quick, let me see…OK. GOOD! GO ALREADY! GO!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?? GO!!!”

I walked (gentlemen don’t run) as fast as I could to my gate. 30, 31, 32….33!! That’s it!

Phew, there’s still people going through the security check.

I made it!!

Once in my seat, I read the letter, and it looked like the fun wasn’t over yet. I didn’t have any of the stuff required with me:

· a printed and filled out visa application (nope)

· x2 passport photos (double nope)

· $35 USD (I only had AUD)

I wasn’t too concerned.

Since it is happening all the time, I was sure the airport had printing facilities (it didn’t), a photograph booth (it didn’t), and an ATM (lol).

Once in Hanoi, I proceeded to the immigration counter.

There were around thirty people seated down, facing the counter, and waiting patiently. They looked like they’d been waiting for ages.

Oh boy, I’m going to be stuck here forever!

I got waived over.

“Your invitation letter”

“I only got an email with a PDF”

“I need a printout”

“Yeah, mate, about the printout…”

“Where’s your visa application form?”

“Yeah, mate, about that…”

“I also need x2 passport photos”

“Yeah, look, about the photos…”

“Have you got $35 USD??”

“Do you take Australian?”

At this point the official looked at me and let out a big sigh. It was a look of a father who gives it to a son that screwed up again, big time. In his wisdom the father knows it would require more energy to unleash the furry rather than simply say nothing and start fixing the son’s screw ups. I’m familiar with this look. I used to get it a lot when I was younger. Back then I knew the best thing to do is to shut the fuck up and show nothing but obedience.

He must’ve either liked me or taken pity on me because he told me to sit down and wait. He waived at me again 5 min. later, told me to pay, and handed me back the passport with a 30-day visa. I quickly left the counter (in case he changed his mind) and hurried to the exit. I didn’t dare looking at all those people still waiting — I didn’t think I could stop myself from laughing in their faces.

I got the stamp, walked through the gate, and exhaled.

I was in!

Welcome to Nam.