Dear Society,

By Thilaga Arunarasu

Your expectations are harmful. I have shared (through my TED talk) with the world how you have made me doubt myself. But I also have to thank you for challenging me. If it wasn’t for the values you gave my coach, she would have not catapulted me into my body positivity journey. When she told me that I was too skinny to swim and run, it hurt. Her comments felt like a branch had snapped in my mind.Suddenly, I was reminded of all the times people had made small comments on my body. “You’re so skinny,” was not that common, but “I wish I looked like you,” was said all too often.

That second comment may seem like something positive, but it was said blindly. They didn’t know how hard I had worked for my body. I had swam competitively for over ten years. My strong physical strength was overlooked because of my small arms and legs with no visible muscles. My art teacher in seventh grade basically called me weak when I volunteered to help carry some heavy art supplies because she questioned my strength. I made the connection, I knew what they were implying.

You, society, have made it clear that body size and shape is more important than personality and kindness. It is even more prominent in sports. I started comparing myself to my teammates. If you don’t have a certain build that your sport promotes, you are not seen as a good athlete. Yes, broader shoulders or stronger legs can help you as you swim through the water or jump to hit a volleyball, but these are not the characteristics that define a good athlete. An example of a true athlete is someone who shows up to practice with a positive attitude and gives it their best. Someone who works hard.

Now back to how you have challenged me. After that comment from my coach, I started working even harder. Not only did I swim and run cross country at the same time, I also made varsity as a freshman and was one of the top runners on my team. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Once you go out there and do it for yourself, others will notice your strength and perseverance.

My body positivity journey is not over, and it is not a consistent uphill slope. It is a journey. There are days when I hate my body. There are tough practices where I feel like giving up. I still tend to compare my looks to others. But through it all, I have learned to love my body for all that it does for me. Dear Society, we cannot throw away your values and expectations, but we will fight them. The key to it all is body positivity. Everyone’s body is perfect just the way it is. We do not need to fit your standards.

Disappointed but determined,

A Survivor