The Preschool Tour Questions We Wish We Could Ask

Sarah Wheeler
Aug 25, 2017 · 2 min read

What is your parent involvement like? What is the least amount of involvement we can have without other parents talking about us behind our backs?

Is that a REAL hammer in the play area?

What is your policy on kids who are just plain dicks? And if my kid turns out to be a dick, can you cure him?

Do any of the children here have names that don’t sound like 1930s film actors?

Just between you and me, was Maria Montessori, like, a little kinky?

Do at least some of these kids have parents who both work? I guess what I’m getting at is, will my kid feel bad about having one Trader Giotto’s frozen pig-in-a-blanket smeared with cream cheese for lunch every day?

Why isn’t everyone talking about how hot that one dad is?

Do you also get the feeling that the teacher in the knee-high-boots’s dream was to become a professional ice-skater, and now she’s taking out her failure on the children?

Can I have some of Mabel’s Cheerios? She’s a real slow eater.

Do you have any spots open for some time sooner than 2025?

My child is very annoying. Sorry, that was more of a comment than a question.

Can we get some male teachers in here?? I mean this place is kind of a clam bake, am I right??

Speaking of, does your “no-nuts rule” include deez nuts?!

Seriously, that kid’s lunch looks like a mouse stole a spoonful of each of the main dishes at a farm-to-table fusion restaurant and lovingly placed them in a $50 BPA-free bento box. My bad, another comment.

What if, hypothetically, a parent gave you the $5,000 deposit check to hold their spot, but then was declared a missing person?

Is “hot dad” looking at me? How about now?

How do you handle discipline issues? Like, what’s going to happen to that kid who hit Arthur over the head with the hammer?

If we enroll today, does that mean we won’t have to visit any more preschools?

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Sarah Wheeler

Written by

Sarah Wheeler, Ph.D. is a School Psychologist and Teacher Educator in the San Francisco Area. She has one very chubby baby and a tendency to over salt all food.

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