Fight or Flight (and my idolatrous heart)

“ It’s like the Lord answered all of my prayers, and now I want my questions back, and search for ways to spite his grace, and get my old gods back.”-Levi the Poet

When I come to the end of myself, to the end of all the idols I have fashioned for myself out of stone, paper, and misplaced intentions, I realize that my need for Christ is greater than all of the presumption on which I have made my home. When I see all of my good work shattered on the ground, I have no choice but to seek out the One who is better than all of the self-destructive choices I have made in vain. I only know part of the story, so in my sin and brokenness, I try to fill in the gaps with comforting half-truths.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:11–12)

As we come to Easter, I cannot help but reflect on my priorities. Jesus dropped a bombshell of a revelation on his disciples at the Last Supper: he told them he was going to die. He upped the ante and revealed that Judas would betray him, Peter would deny him, and that the hate the world would have for him would also be leveled at them. Jesus’ closes friends were troubled, they were wracked with fear and grief and pain, so they turned to the idol of self-preservation. Fight or flight.

Do I blame them? That depends, would I do the same thing? I cannot say, because I was not there. But I do know, as Calvin said, that our hearts are idol making factories. Comfort and security are naturally things to want, so it follows that the same choices lurk in my heart. But the cross of Christ bids us come and die. It is dangerous and beautiful and scandalous. It is the Truth incarnate.

God, break me. Show me the truth of the Gospel of Christ. And turn all my idols to dust.

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