Don’t Be Surprised By What Men Don’t Want

Whatever gender(s) you’re into, trying to predict what they might want from a partner is, at best, a fool’s errand. It’s a great way to go slowly insane in the worst possible way. The process will leave your self-esteem in absolute ruins alongside your desire to date.

The most off-base assumptions often seem to be made by women trying to figure out what men want. Honestly, most women seem to overthink things rather dramatically, not realizing that what men want out of a relationship is actually pretty straightforward. And that blows minds.

Men in a Nutshell

I was raised in the 1980s and 1990s when the idea that men only wanted one thing was still incredibly pervasive. That one thing was, of course, sex. Unfortunately, there are a significant number of men who are only interested in sex, both then and now.

They represent a minority of men, though. Most of us have healthy sex drives, though that means something different to everyone. Frankly, most of us are on par with an average woman when it comes to our sexual desires, though it has long been considered “inappropriate” for women to express those desires. This is, of course, complete bullshit.

The problem is that movies, films, books, and an endless array of pop psychologists turned this assumption into a fact. All men were treated as mindless sex monsters who were incapable of having a real, emotional connection with a woman.

It was during this same era that the push came for men to be more open emotionally. This was a confusing time for a lot of young men like myself who were told to be emotionally present by the same media that was telling us we were incapable of being emotionally present.

What Men Don’t Want

In the case of straight men like myself, we often find that women seem oblivious to who we are. We’re often treated like brain-dead oafs with barely enough IQ to power a 60-watt light bulb. To be fair, that is very much true for some men and more than a few women, as well.

Even worse, women often seem surprised that men are more complicated than TikTok tells them. When you use us and throw us away, we’re hurt. Deeply. When you treat us like we don’t have feelings and that we only exist to satisfy your needs (e.g. financial, physical), there is pain in that.

What men don’t want is to be hurt, and more often than not it is the women in our lives who hurt us the most. This pain is frequently inflicted without a wife or a girlfriend noticing because we’re afraid to talk. It’s amazing how often the women we love weaponize our feelings against us despite their pleas for men to be more open emotionally.

Stop being surprised that men want to be treated fairly, to be treated like actual people. There’s a reason many men are walking away from relationships with women. There’s a reason why men are committing suicide at an alarming rate. We’re tired of hurting. More importantly, we’re tired of the women we love hurting us and not caring.

What Men Want

Let’s be completely honest with each other and put our cards on the table. Yes, some men are only interested in sex with women and some women are only interested in sex with men. And there are relationships that will not go any further than a one-night stand. No judgment here.

But the idea that’s all men want is an anachronistic notion that has never been true. Men aren’t monsters. Well, most men. Some men are absolute monsters, without question, and need to be dealt with by the legal system accordingly. At the bare minimum, women deserve to feel safe living their lives out in the world.

What most men want is a real connection with a woman. Sex is a factor, but it’s not the whole package. The vast majority of men are looking for someone to share their lives with. They have no problems sharing their feelings as long as they’re not being judged for it.

Men want to feel trusted, loved, and cared for. They want to feel like their life partner has their backs in all situations. Keeping in mind this isn’t meant in an authoritative fashion, they want to feel like their partner respects them. Basic human dignity goes a long way with a man.

Don’t be surprised when a small act of appreciation leaves your man glowing for a week. You really don’t have to do much to make us happy and loyal. And I don’t mean sex. Just buy him some Lego. We all love Lego.