Stop Trying to Pet Wild Animals, You Idiot
Nature. You know I love it. There’s nothing better than getting outside, going for a long hike, and taking gorgeous photos. But at the end of the day, I am not sleeping in a goddamn tent. That’s what hotels are for, sleeping in a bed like the universe intended.
Other people really enjoy nature, too, though not in the right way. There are way too many news reports about people trying to pet wild animals and paying a hefty price for it. For the love of Danny Trejo, please grow an ounce of common sense and stay away from the wild animals.
It’s a Wild, Wild World
Humanity has grown like a weed around the entire planet. It’s hard to go anywhere and not find a visible sign of us. That can be as big as a sprawling city in the middle of a desert all the way down to a chip bag washing up on the shore of an island in the middle of the Pacific only populated by birds.
At this point, people are everywhere, leaving less and less room for the various animal species we’re supposed to be sharing with. As humanity spreads and cities grow, there is no room for wildlife. This inevitably leads to increasing contact between people and animals.
When you mix in social media, you get an endless stream of adorable encounters between wild deer and babies. Or a huggable black bear that hangs around some lady’s house every day, again being highly adorable the entire time. It’s not hard to find these videos. Again, you know I love them.
All of this combined has led to a very real problem. Simply put, people don’t respect wildlife anymore, and not just their right to live. People don’t get that wildlife is, in fact, wild. The vast majority of animals do not want to be your friend, so it’s time you started acting like it.
Just Because It’s Friend Shaped…
Yes, there are a lot of videos online of adorable interactions between people and wildlife. There are even more videos of wildlife f@#$ing up people who don’t take the situation seriously at all. Such videos can go from hilarious to horrifying really quick.
These types of interactions tend to happen a lot in places like Yellowstone National Park, one of the most beautiful and engaging spots on Earth. Bison and elk are plentiful in the park, with tourists regularly telling their own family members to get close to take photos.
A bull bison can be upwards of six feet tall and weigh more than 2,000 pounds. They are not just big, fluffy moo cows. They are ornery bastards who will gladly f@#k you up if you get in their space. Honestly, moo cows will do the same thing if you disrespect them. Also, adorable.
Too many people have been desensitized to the fact that wildlife is wild and cannot be controlled by humans. A large portion of the time, said wildlife wants nothing to do with us and just barely tolerates our presence. So why are people acting this way?
There are Two Very Stupid Reasons
First, blame social media. Videos of a family’s fun interaction with a moose lead people to believe that moose are nice. Trust me. They’re not. A bull moose is scary and violent. I’d rather encounter a bear than a bull moose because at least the bear won’t beat my ass for basically no reason.
Second, we no longer live in concert with nature. Humanity predominantly lives in cities that only allow approved nature in. Most of us have no idea how wild animals act or how to behave when we see one. Too many people seem to think the world is a zoo when it damn sure isn’t. Even in a zoo you are generally not allowed to touch the animals and for good reason.
Look, I’ll admit that my first instinct when I see a bear is to hug it. They are, without question, friend shaped. But I also know that they are not my friends and I should not try to hug them. Pictures from a safe distance with the big lens, sure. Never, ever a hug, though.
If you’re from New York and you head for Yellowstone, give the wildlife a wide berth. Enjoy looking at them. Take a few photos. Just keep a healthy distance away because you never know what’s going to set a wild animal off, particularly the herbivores. You can’t trust those crazy bastards.
