If you read Medium, and you read about sexuality, then no doubt you’ve read your fair share of articles about women talking about their… *ahem* ‘bush’. Actually, coming to think of it (I could have done more with a play on words there!), most of the popular articles about sex and sexuality are written by women. But that’s for a different conversation.
Generally, while some write about the joy and freedom of sporting full bush, the majority of articles talk about the feelings of pressure to keep the downstairs department (and everywhere else) somewhere between shaved smooth, to trimmed within an inch of life. It’s probably a very ‘naughties conversation and no doubt is a by-product of the proliferation of porn and the bizarre set of standards it has set for so much of society.
Becoming sexually active in the late 80’s, unlike legs or underarms, women shaving pubic hair was mostly reserved for keeping a neat bikini line; and I certainly never experienced the ‘landing strip’ that was the popular choice for those choosing to go the extra step for their nether. As such, my partners all sported full, thick hair and I never questioned it.
But I never really liked it.
Early on I discovered the joys of going down on my partners, though there was simply something about diving into a face full of hair that never really worked for me. Pubic hair just holds onto things, so while I enjoyed the experience of licking and sucking my partners, and the way it made them feel, I had to accept that the bits I thought were somewhat ‘unpleasant’ were simply part of the package. Nature, right?
Until I dated ‘The French Girl’.
‘O’ was from a different planet. Sexy in a way only French women can pull off, I was spell bound…. (say this in a French accent) “in France, if we like one another, we fuck”. Damn! And so one night, we got naked. With the lights down and the clothes off, the French accent, the sexiness, it was more than so easy to go down. Only this time, I was in for a surprise…
Zero hair. None. Nada. Zip.
The world turned.
Up until that point, I didn’t even realise this was a thing. Sure, trimming the bikini line here and there but shaving smooth? In the early 90’s it was just not heard of, yet there it was and it was like finding an alternate reality — oral took on a whole new dimension. Unfortunately, apart from that, it was literally the worst sex I’d ever had, so bad in fact that it was off putting. But something had clicked and the wheels began turning.
After ‘O’ I realised that I never actually liked pubic hair. Not in a fetish sort of way, I just simply never liked it. Much the same way you might not like instant coffee — sure, you’d drink it if someone was nice enough to offer when you visited, but it is not something you’d actively choose. I remembered camping with a friend and the ‘shock’ I felt when I saw pubic hair leaking out of her swimsuit; it turned me right off. While I was unable to quantify, or justify, just why I was so shocked at the time, in hindsight it made sense — I have an aversion to body hair, especially pubic hair.
Since that time though, almost as if the universe knew, my partners have all either naturally not had much hair, or trimmed, so it’s never really occurred to me again; at least not up until I started reading Medium. I myself have been shaving my legs for my sport for a long time and used to trim the man bush judiciously; and one day just kept going with the razor and I’ve kept it that way ever since — I’ve never liked pubic hair, even on myself it turned out, so I can’t say it’s a one sided affair.
Clearly if you are single, you get what you get and there’s not a lot of leeway — if you don’t like it, please step off. In a relationship though, one makes adjustments for their partner. The Ex did not like me having too little hair, so I always kept some, even though I was not a fan. My partner now is fine with no hair, so I happily keep it off (but she does care about the state of hair on my head). Conversely, she knows I love going down on her but also knows I prefer not much hair, so trims it right back; though she admits she likes it short for herself too, which made that conversation easier. That said, I’ve never asked her to shave smooth and never will, for all the reasons she tells me she doesn’t and won’t.
There’s no doubt though, based on what a lot of women write about, there are some fairly juvenile guys out there; shockingly so in fact. As such, I have no doubt for many of them, expecting women to shave smooth is either some sort of porn inspired fetish, or maybe worse. I can fully understand the angst. Expectation is a naive existence, so expecting and/or belittling a partner to fit some unhealthy ideal is not only unreasonable, but completely unrealistic and a sure fire way to remain single.
On the flip side, what one chooses for themselves is one thing but it needs to acknowledged that what works for you, may not work for someone else. That’s life really and often one can not even rationalise just why you even have the particular preferences you do, it’s just who you are — it took two decent relationships and a short fling for me to make sense that I simply have a natural preference for the less is more side of things, just like some people have a preference for height, or hair colour and length, or the other million things that make up our personal preferences in life. That’s not to say it should be deal breaker, it shouldn’t, should never, and never has been. But I don’t feel anyone should be judged because of their legitimate personal preferences and my not liking pubic hair does not make me a perve, an avid porn watcher, or someone who wants a woman to look like a twelve year old…
And if you do have a particular preference for whatever, don’t be shocked to find other people have their own. Just remember relationships, of all kinds, are about finding that middle ground that keeps everyone happy.
…at least being in a long term relationship I don’t have to broach the subject again.
I’m a guy, writing about….sex (I know, right?), and the travel’s of life.
