Teenage love. That’s where it started. I saw her on a bus on my way to school. The strangeness of it all I still class as ‘one of those cosmic events’, even after all these years. Simply, she was never meant to be on that bus. It was well out of her way, not on her way from home to the train station, it was early; she just should not have been there. But she was.
As these things go in school, my friends (in an all boy’s school) had friends in the school she was at (all girl’s school), so through connections and time, we eventually met and before long became teens ‘in love’… in that very teen meaning of the word. Still, we lasted for a few years, during which time I finished school (she hadn’t) and changed enough that we simply drifted apart.
To say she was keen on the idea of sex would be an understatement. She was my first and I remember the first time we got naked, then the first time we had sex. She was uninhibited, adventurous and, believe it or not, had a higher libido that my teen self… and I was not demure! The first half year or so we spent a lot of our time naked, touching, feeling, sucking. So when the time came and we did the deed, it was probably the most natural event one could have hoped for — it just happened and became another thing we added to what we were already doing.
But this is not a tale of adventurous teen sex…
When we started our sexual exploration, it was through a mixture of curiosity and simple desire to play with someone of the opposite sex we were attracted to. ‘Playing’ with one another was fun, and as the feelings grew, it became rewarding and bonding. But as time went on, I finished school, we both got older, our interests began drifting. I was thinking of university, she was busy with school life. Over time, the sex became more about the sex, not one another and that after glow gradually dimmed, eventually evaporating altogether.
Sex became the motions for ‘pleasure for self’.
Our last encounter together was, even by my standards today, pretty wild. I suspected at the time she was seeing another guy, and her carnal appetite seemed to have only increased — she’d found a stash of porn that seemed to fuel her almost to unrealistic levels; it was almost a little off-putting. That day the sex was about ourselves, not one another. There were no feelings other than the desire for our own orgasm and the demands for the other to produce more. We finished up, said that was great and walked to the station together.
We parted on the city train. There were no feelings, no glow, and her parting words as she stepped off — “thanks for the sex”, said confidently, proudly, were matter of fact. I got more than a few looks from the other passengers, she was a stunning looking girl, yet I felt nothing, no male ‘pride’, not for her nor the sex we’d just had.
It was that day that formed my views on what sex was, and it changed everything for me.
Sex with someone you love vs. someone who’s there for a fuck. The feeling of having given and received pleasure vs. cumming your brains out and walking away. Experience both with the same person and it will show you both sides of the same coin and when you experience that turning point, you learn that sex, without a seeded connection, is a pretty shallow experience; five minutes after you’ve climaxed, there’s nothing and you are back to where you started — nowhere.
I made my decision at that juncture as I (amazingly) saw it for what it was. Unless I had a vested connection of some form, there was little point in having sex. As a result I have turned down a lot of very forward offers over the years and while it niggled me at the time, I’ve never regretted it. On the flip side, when I have had sex, there was always more to it — we saw one another as more than a quick fuck, so spent the time in making the experience worthwhile.
As a guy, society tells you to take all the opportunities for sex that present themselves, especially when you are young. But I’ve come to see that this mindless, empty pursuit can not only create a disconnect but a mindset that can shape one’s views on relationships, and women as a whole. If all you want is to ‘get off’, you don’t need to involve anyone else in the affair — a girl is not your fuck pillow. Instead, go to it all by yourself, the net result is the same — relief, then nothing.
If sex is simply a need to be with as many women you can, then you have not really moved on from the most basic primal base level of spreading your seed. But as mature and, one would like to hope, civilised human beings, we have the opportunity to use sex to create deeper connections with the people we choose to engage with. Shouldn’t that be the end aim, whether it’s for the long term or not?
I’m a guy, writing about….sex (I know, right?), and the travel’s of life.
