The Better Farm

One morning Earl woke up and he realized he was different from the other cows. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew that he felt odd.

Wiping his eyes, he walked up to his two oldest friends, Hector and Milton. All three of them were in their early teens and were proud of their Brown Swiss heritage. They had outlasted most of the cows on the farm, probably due to their high metabolisms and low percentage of body fat. They pretended to eat the corn, but when Farmer Doug wasn’t looking…they secretly ate grass.

“How’s it going, guys?” asked Earl.

“I got up earlier than usual,” said Hector, “I saw Farmer Doug pulling up the meat wagon this morning.”

Milton shook his head.

“Really?” asked Earl.

“So I just took my time,” said Hector, “I watched the sunrise and actually went to town on some corn. I figure, hey, if it’s my time I might as well go out happy.”

“We’ve been here for 10 years longer than anyone else, Hec,” said Earl, “There’s no way.”

Milton, his mouth full of cud from his third stomach, just nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know, Earl. I got a feeling,” said Hector. “A bad, bad feeling.”

Milton shook his head and wiped his nose on the grass.

Jusr moments later, Farmer Doug arrived. He had his wife, Farmer Sheila with him. This was never a good sign.

Suddenly, Earl realized what was different. He could hear Farmer Doug and Farmer Sheila’s thoughts. It was incredible! Their lips weren’t moving but he could hear all of their thoughts with total clarity.

“Guys, guys, guys…” Earl said “You’re gonna think I’m crazy but something happened… I can hear what they’re thinking.”

Milton laughed and snorted, releasing a small clot of browned grass through his right nostril.

“Alright, Kreskin, what are they thinking,” chortled Hector.

Earl closed his eyes tight and started to tell the boys what he was hearing:

“Farmer Sheila thinks your name is Brownie, Hector.”

Milton laughed. Hector shot him a glance.

“Farmer Doug suspects none of us have been eating the grain.”

“Uh-oh,” said Hector.

“Yeah, he noticed a huge pile of uneaten corn near the oak tree we use. Farmer Sheila doesn’t seem think he’s right. She thinks he’s acting crazy,” said Earl, his eyes still shutting out the light.

The beeping started and all three cows knew that the meat wagon was backing up to the fence, getting into position.

Earl continued: “Farmer Doug feels bad about fooling us with the meat wagon for so long. He thinks…” Earl trailed off and opened his eyes.

Milton finally stopped chewing.

“What? He thinks what?” asked Hector.

Earl took a deep breath. “He thinks we don’t know about the meat wagon. He thinks we believe him when he says that one of us is going to a better farm.”

“Seriously?” Hector asked, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, he doesn’t think we know that he’s going to eat us with his family.”

“Wait a second. So, on top of killing us he also thinks we’re idiots?”

“Seems that way,” said Earl.

Farmer Doug walked in past the gate and all three cows kept their eyes to the ground. All were willing to go. All knew who they were to Farmer Doug, but no one really wanted to go to that better farm. Life was just fine here on this farm.

“Come along, Brownie,” said Farmer Doug, “We’re taking you to a better farm.”

Milton shook his head. Hector just smiled.

Earl closed his eyes and tried to hear what Farmer Doug was thinking. Farmer Doug was just thinking that he probably had enough gas to get to the slaughterhouse without stopping.

“Bye, guys,” said Hector.

“Hold on,” said Earl. “I want you to know what Farmer Doug is thinking.”

Hector backed up the ramp slowly into the rear of the meat wagon. “Go ahead.”

“He’s just thinking about how great a friend you’ve been all these years and how thankful he is to you. He was just thinking about how the drought has basically depleted all his food supplies and how you’re basically saving his family’s life and he is thinking about how lucky he is.”

As the back gate of the meat wagon locked into place Earl and Milton could see a wry smile on Hector’s face.

“Say goodbye to your friends for now, Brownie,” Farmer Doug yelled out as he pulled away.

Milton and Earl waved as their friend went off to the better farm.

“He’s a hero,” said Milton.

“Yep,” said Earl. “He’s a hero.”

Not far away, Farmer Sheila kept an eye on Earl and Milton. In truth, Brownie had always been her favorite and seeing him pull away, engulfed by the kicked up dust from the back tires of the meat wagon, she felt truly sad.

And Earl could hear her thoughts and it was at that moment that he realized that Brownie was loved and he felt better about his lie. But he never really felt that bad about it anyway. Hector would smile, smile, smile, all the way to the better farm and soon Earl and Milton would join him.