Weekly reflection: Week 7
It’s one of the strangest weeks I’ve experienced in my life last week, maybe because the suicide shook me hard. My mom was hospitalized, and there were many accidents along the expressway while I was on dispatch. It’s quite traumatizing for me to be hearing news of suicide, because, I have personally encountered this tragic event back when I was sixteen, when I was playing my usual ps2 after a day’s work of revision, preparing for the N’s, and then came the loud thud. Well a loud thud because the person landed on the metal casings of the drain and it sounded like a fridge had been thrown from the top of the building. What I saw next was that neighbour of mine, who, whenever I saw him, would walk alone with his stick acting as a support for him. He was..quiet? And most of the time he seemed to be alone. But yeah, when I saw him lying on top of the drain I did what any other human being would do: A backflip. Haha no but I’m sorry I always hijack my thoughts with the dumbest things I can ever imagine. Of course I went to the hall and shouted and sprinted to my family telling them someone had committed suicide and to call the police.
It was a depressing scene: The place was cordoned off. There were crowds, and when the wife arrived, she was wailing and banging her head on the wall. I don’t know. I guess it’s human nature to do that? Maybe, but I don’t know.
I’m always reminded of death. I always remind myself of death. It keeps me alive. It makes me feel that I should not waste anymore time, that time is limited. I’ve seen and I’ve read the stories of death, how our last words matter. I remember three people on twitter who passed away, and they all left words of…
words that make you ponder you know, “what if those were my last words? Will I be happy to say that?”
You know, that feeling.
But the death of my late uncle taught me a lot, how I should be preparing for death. At one point it became a reminder for me, as to how I will be wrapped with the white cloth on my deathbed, and how I will be buried into the deep hole, that dark hole that many people fear. And then I will be left alone, forever. But at another point I was thinking how others around me were living, and how terrible our conditions are. Not the environmental conditions or any of that nature, but the condition of our hearts, how heedless we have become into living this world. Living life in oblivion.
Are we really living? What’s my purpose? These questions always stimulate my mind, my heart. These are the questions that keep me alive.
I guess the worst thing in life is to be dead when you are living. We are like that, but many don’t realize it. It scares me a lot. I’m thankful Allah guided me to know Islam. I hope Allah guides you to the Truth too.
Well I don’t intend to scare you with my 'negative thoughts' but this is the reason that keeps me alive you know.
I’m just gonna leave the other story for another time.
Well if you do read this post and have reached this part, then, I thank you for taking time to read.
So many thoughts crossing, so little time to stop them. I kid but yeah this stream of thoughts seem to flow incessantly.