Restless Firecracker

Dear diary,

I never imagined I would ever say it but many surely would have experienced losing someone in life. And it hurts so bad till it leaves a mark in our hearts. Or at least it did to me. LOVE, something truly amazing as it has the power to uplift a person or crush the person. Many advice me to move on but it was not as simple as they seem to put it. I tried, tried, and tried but I cried instead. But I will never stopped trying till I stop crying.

My name is Jay, some say it means victory. Probably that is the reason that I had to endure so much before even achieving something in life. I believed every struggle that I was put into made me the person I am today, a lawyer. I thought life was settled, a good job, a car and a house. What more can an orphan like me ask for? Money seemed to be my only motive in life till I fell in love.

My colleagues tried their level best to bring me out of the shell I was hiding myself into. I was very cautious with my every action as i feared that my past could backfire the present life I am living. The fear got me used to term called anti-social. The dreams of having my own family seemed like a fantasy . There is no logical understanding in fantasy but I did fantasize it sometimes. Somewhere really deep down buried in my heart.

It was just like any other day at work, till I was urgently sent to meet a client. I went with total annoyance and irritable feeling as I went through crazy traffic reaching there, and to add on, I waited and waited and waited at the conference hall hoping someone would miraculously pop out. Boredom killed my soul till I hoped for a frog to appear. Surprised to see a maiden instead approaching towards me. The feeling of instantly liking someone and the urge to know her more. She spoke and I listened, nodding my head as though I was on the same page as her.

For the first time in years my brain actually shut down completely. Nothing was entering my head except the image of her beautiful eyes. There was just something in her that caught my focus. I left feeling blank, empty and undecided. I am not a believer of love and neither love at first sight, so what can this feeling actually mean? It tore me apart trying to un-puzzle my puzzled mind.

As time flew, we extended our professional relationship to friendship. I was the complete opposite of her. A dynamic person till sometimes I wished I was more like her.She would comfortably tell me anything as I was a good listener. Practice made me perfect. Though sometimes she worries to much for minor things in life, deep down I knew there was more behind this character. At times, she would expect me to share but I prefer not discussing any matter pertaining myself. She trusted me and I was afraid that I might lose her being honest. She had pestered me to get a girlfriend and go to the extend of introducing her friends to me.

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