The return and demise of Nurse Bae
Sorry, kids. The title says it all. This is the final appearance of Nurse Bae. Don’t fret. You won’t be a fan in the end. I know I’m not.
So, let’s review. The last time I saw Nurse Bae, he had a boil on his butt. He went to urgent care to get it taken care of. I was super excited about seeing where this went, though. Had those kilig feelings. We texted every day to say hey and check in. He did ask me to go to a hookah bar at one point in the week (after my date with Law School Guy), where I had to say no because it was late and I was not in a good space mentally to make good choices. Eventually, after some major text flirting, we decided to meet late Friday night after he went to happy hour with his co-workers.
To review, this was the night I had two dates. I had just finished my date with Right Wing Bartender. RWB wanted to watch movies at his place. But I left, because I wanted to hang out with Nurse Bae. To be honest, I was waaaaaaaaaay more excited about seeing Nurse Bae than I was about drinks with RWB.
Knowing Nurse Bae…I respectfully nudged and strongly suggested for him, early on, to pick a place to meet before we meet up.
While RWB was outside smoking, I got a text from Nurse Bae telling me to meet him at a hookah place by my condo. This man really loves his hookah. The good thing was, they served food, and I was STARVING. So I didn’t mind. He can have his hookah, I can eat. Win, win.
So after I finished up with RWB, I went home, freshened up, and waited to hear from Nurse Bae.
Since we have done well with screenshots before, I will utilize this screenshot of what the rest of the night looked like via text form. Time stamps included.

Okay.
So LOTS of miscommunication here. He said he was leaving, so I waited for a bit before I left. This spot is literally a 5 minute drive from my condo. I drive by it every day on my way to work. So I arrive there, and I park.
I then get a call from a friend who I hadn’t heard from in awhile. So we talk on the phone and proceed to have a really pleasant 40 minute conversation. I catch her up on what I’m doing, 50 First Dates, being excited about Nurse Bae. And then all of the sudden, I realize, “Girl…how long we been talking? Let me call you back!”
40 minutes.
I call him. No answer.
So then at 10:00 p.m. I text him.
I call my friend back. At this point, I AM STARVING! All I had was a gin and tonic. I didn’t even have a snack at home because you do not eat when you are excited about a date. At least, I don’t.
At this point, I’m exhausted and my friend is lit. As I hear her rage for me, I feel my energy leave my body, and in the midst of her rant, I tell her, “Dude, I’m exhausted and hungry, I think I’m going to go.”
So I leave the hookah place and go across the street to a popular Tex-Mex restaurant. When I pick up my order, I get Nurse Bae’s text messages.
At this point, I tell the girls I dropped my locay on that he didn’t show up so I’m going home. So when I get his text messages, I roll my eyes.
Then his calls start coming in.
Which is when the last three text messages were sent.
He called three separate times.
After I picked up my food, he called again, and I answered.
Cooly, and calmly, he said, “Hey babe, you’re not answering my phone call? Are you mad?” And I said, “Uhm, nooooo. I’m not mad.” (sarcasm) He said, “oh…you’re mad. Ok, love. I will call you tomorrow. We will talk then, ok?” I retorted, “mmhmm, bye.”
I went home. Ate my quesadilla. And went to sleep.
I woke up the next day, super bummed, super confused, but also very excited because my girls and I were having a spa day. My best friends at work, Lakessiah (aka Chili) and Tammy (aka Boz) and I were getting massages. Yes, we nicknamed ourselves TLC. Obviously, I’m Lefty. I don’t even remember how we came up with this, but we did. And it stuck. Chili and Boz are two of the main girls that I always drop the locay on. So, they knew I was super bummed about what Nurse Bae did the night before.
Even though I live right around the corner from the spa place, I was obviously late to my appointment. As I was rushing to my appointment, I get a text from Nurse Bae:

uhm. no. It’s all good? It’s actually…not. AND I don’t recall apologizing. So what are you saying it’s all good about?
All three of us get massages, which were amazing. And then we go out to eat and download the events of the previous night. I told them what happened the night before and how confusing it was. We analyzed every. single. text message.
Chili: He said he was on his way. So, where was he? If it only took him 10 minutes, why did you wait 40?
Boz: Did he go inside and not check and see if you were there? Was he in there the whole time? How did he not hear your phone call?
After analyzing, I realized, I was over it. So I sent him this text message.

After this text message exchange and going back and forth on how he can’t change the past, but he can change the future, he comes to meet me at the restaurant. Chili and Boz go to the bar to get drinks. I wait in the booth for him.
He comes in and I literally almost forgot how cute he was. damn.
“Hey, babe. Can I get a hug?” I give him one. His cologne game is on point. He goes to the restroom. And when he comes back, he asks if we can go to the bar.
So we go to the bar and Chili and Boz have no chill as we are walking towards them. And we sit on the other side of the bar. It literally reminded me of this meme.

I will let them tell you what they witnessed that day, to get another perspective.





Their perspective is fun, huh?
If looks could kill, Chili would have killed Nurse Bae. That side eye and RBF would have mauled him. Boz is my sweet one. The fighter for love.
Nurse Bae said that he realized he forgot something at home, after he texted me that he was on his way. Home for him is in Katy, Texas, which is 30 minutes away. Instead of telling me that he forgot something and was going home to get it, he drove to Katy, Texas and did not communicate this with me at all.
This is where we have differing perspectives. He didn’t want to think he was coming up with excuses. So, he just didn’t tell me he was going home to Katy. I just wanted to be informed. I told him he sucked at communicating and he needed to do better.
After I went in on him, and he apologized profusely, we definitely got to know each other more. He talked about his faith walk, which is super important to me, and how he grew up. He said he grew up in the Catholic faith and in his home country was raised by priests. He said he felt called to be a man of the cloth at one point, but he had his daughter, so he now has veered from that path.
He looked at me and said, “You think I’m crazy? For wanting to be in ministry at some point?”
I said no. And I told him about seminary and my ministry goals.
And I saw it. Intimidation. It was like, “Oh that’s cool! Do, you!”
We talked about our expectations and physical boundaries. He respected mine, but told me he did not want to be held up to the same standards and values. He would not be able to abstain, because it was like sustenance for him, just like food.
I smirked and shrugged.
As we talked, he would hold my hand and rub my legs as they were crossed. And was always respectful of whether it was ok to do that. And it was.
I ended the date because I had a going away party to go to. We had a better understanding of where we stood and what this would look like going forward.
As I called Boz and Chili on three way on the way to my going away party, they were truthful about their concerns. They did not get good vibes from him. I told them that I would give no effort, and that the ball, from now on, would always be on his court. Boz and Chili gave me their continued support, though they did not agree. And we went on through the rest of the evening.
After the Date: Of COURSE the ball was not on his court. This fool had me hooked. I checked in with him once in awhile, via text. (Every three days as to not seem stalker-y). There was always heavy flirting, but nothing that ever came out of it. The next Friday, I asked if he was up to anything. He said he was running errands, but wanted to do something. Heavy flirting here and there. And he never followed up. And I literally have not heard from him since.
Lesson Learned: Y’all. It has been about three weeks since I saw him at the bar. And so, there has been a lot that has transpired since then, with other dates, etc. But as I look back retrospectively on Nurse Bae (and all these other dates, really), I think what I have learned the most is that I am realizing that my self worth is quite literally non existent. And that completely correlates to how you date and who you choose to date.
I have this amazing ability to see people for who they are and love them the way their Creator does. It’s not something to boast about. But it is literally a gift from God himself. It’s something I really value about myself. The biggest flaw is, I do not have the ability to see myself in this light.
And in the past few weeks, I am realizing that my lack of self worth completely correlates with how I have chosen these men. These men contain great and hilarious stories that make for really bad dates, but are they partner worthy? Not in the least. Nurse Bae, besides being sexy af, has no qualities I would look for in a husband. And retrospectively, I knew that.
So what kept me hooked?
This toxic narrative. You ready for it?
How can someone like him, like someone like me?
There it is, ladies. That is what will keep you sticking around a little longer than you should. Because the lie is, that you can’t get anyone better. Somehow, he chose you, for some crazy reason, and you should do everything in your power to keep him.
I didn’t, but I did. I told myself the ball would be on his court, but I obviously kept it going, even when the game was over. And once he realized that he wasn’t going to get physical with me, the interest dropped and he ghosted.
There’s nothing wrong with me having my value. There’s nothing wrong with him having his value. We are just different.
BUT you don’t think logically like that.
What I have to remember and continue to tell myself is…you do not have to go chasing after someone to get their attention, because the right man will already be paying attention.
I tell women this all the time.
So, it’s time to look in the mirror and tell myself this. And really, practice some self love and self compassion.
I’ve received a lot of feedback about this blog. Mainly positive, some negative. Either way, it’s taken with a grain of salt. The biggest feedback from those who know my heart and know it well is that these men are not worth my time.
And I know that. Deep down. I think I just went on dates with them because they wanted to. As opposed to making sure they are worthy of my time.
SO, the next phase of 50 First Dates, further down the line, will have a certain caliber of men. Will that mean they will be less entertaining? Sure, possibly, I don’t know.
But, like the wise words of my name sake Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes wrote, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.”
Here’s to not chasing, because you’re worth being chosen.
-M
