To married men, online daters and the recently cheated on (stop being ridiculous)

First, let me say, i’m a reluctant writer when it comes to the topic of relationships. I’ve had my share of shit sandwiches and i just have “too much” to say on the subject. Although that sounds like just the person that should speak up, i regard these experiences as private, so i’m not rushing off to say, hey world — listen to this. Not me. Lately, however, i have so many friends going through it, i am compelled to say a few words. Some of this ridiculousness has to stop. Like NOW. First, married MEN. Just because you took your ring off, just because you are bored, love sexting, she’s put on some pounds, doesn’t find you funny or you find someone attractive, does not give you grounds to approach “single” women with your story. Nobody cares. Well,i’m lying. Some girls care because they are pathetic, and shame on them. Ladies, this is to you too, stop it. I recently had a friend tell me she met a guy online who later took her to a fake house that he said was his. After asking to borrow a knife, she learned this guy was using his friends place to woo women. After confessing, he has since asked her to be his “exit strategy” and they are now somewhere between a fucked up place and let’s forget we had morals place. Her story. I have done everything right. Never cheated. Yet, i’m 40 and single. So, now i’m going to date a married man and be his out. Yes, this is “better”. To married men who want to play around, do so with other married people (yes, i said it) or grow a vagina and speak up about what’s wrong. SECOND, stop falling “so IN LOVE” with the next person after your ex-cheats on you to avoid feeling the pain. Why, because here is how this plays out. You meet some unsuspecting girl/guy, they think you are legit, and fall hard, but not because of masking feelings of rejection, they are merely responding to how amazing you“seem” because you want to win her/him over. Eventually the person catches on that you are a fraud and finds your ex on Facebook, learns that you are reconciling and blows up your life. Do you really want that? LAST, can we establish some rules of engagement for Tinder, Happn and the other dating apps that are now the wild wild west. If you are looking for a hook-up, state so, your hook up soulmate will respond, promise. If you meet someone and you don’t like them,be a grown up and drop them a line, saying, “online dating is about trial and error, I don’t think i want to explore this.” When you find you are in error, be a human being and say something, don’t just disappear aka“ghost”. To men who are aging themselves 10 years younger to get 30 somethings to click on you, when you are 40+. What are you doing????!! Do you really think saying, but i look like i’m 30 is a general consensus and does this mean you aren’t a liar. WHY!! Next, if you don’t meet up within the first week of messaging, you are pen-pals and the odds of ever meeting decreases dramatically. Now you know, act accordingly. Ladies, if you are on an App searching for “love”, please go back to your immediate network and ask…beg for a referral. If that doesn’t work, and you need the app — make sure your profile clearly states you are looking for something serious. It’s time to reduce the ambiguity and uncertainty that makes dating more anxiety inducing than it needs to be. I know being a grown up sucks and dating apps reminds you of the candy store, but eventually you have to leave the store. And remember… too much candy rots your teeth.

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