II. Modelling as an Engineer
The People
Is there a model sub-culture? What is it like on the inside?
This one is interesting! My initial response is that it’s toxic. I hated how there was this culture of not helping one another, because at the end of the day if you get the shot you’re the winner. That might mean withholding heels. That might mean not sharing castings.
THEN AGAIN— Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I’m projecting!
But I’ve seldom had someone take the initiative to share with me where a casting was. Or offer to help take photos. And I’ve never had someone return me the favour of saying to a designer “hey, she might be a fit for this”. Or to the photographer, “come take a photo”. I don’t think the models as people are bad, it’s just hard to give when there’s so little to get.
Beyond that it’s mostly classic small talk, where my glaring social awkwardness acts more efficiently than condoms. Or they think I want something from them, like a collaboration; absolutely no incentive for a connection if you’re a flat-faced model with a flat-faced personality!
Of course it’s also hard to chat when the hairstylist is behind you, or the makeup artist is trying to apply mascara.
There’s also this weird thing where as a model, you’re pretty much an object. You have no say in how you look, and you have to listen to every direction given to you – even if it’s questionable. One time I was at a show rehearsal and there was this crazy ‘X’ pattern the models had to walk in, so there was an ‘intersection’. What inevitably happened was that people slowed down, stopped, or collided at this intersection. The director was obviously upset at this so I went up to him and suggested that he use his stage assistants to time our entries, since they were doing that for the first bit anyways. He immediately shut this down and said: “as a model, you’re supposed to figure this out”. Needless to say, there were a lot of show-stoppers (pun intended).
On the same train of thought, one thing you truly experience from the inside is the absolute mayhem that can occur behind the scenes of a fashion show. I’ve walked down a runway with a bedsheet wrapped around me, held together with safety pins. I’ve seen models do their own hair because there weren’t enough hairstylists. Outfits have come undone— I’ve experienced the panic of having a thread come loose on the runway, try its best to trip me — and you still have to walk and pose like it’s no big deal.
The last thing I’ll say is that from the inside, you get to experience how much effort goes into beautiful images. More on that later.
What are the other girls like?
The other girls were girly. Being in engineering vs. being in modelling was night and day: I’ve always felt I was tomboyish but never so masculine until I started modelling. The gender ratio is completely flipped, and so are the punchlines. I had no common topics beyond periods. I felt like a total dude but with no reproductive incentive.
Also to combat a bias here: there were also male models, believe it or not. Nonetheless, most people kept to themselves. The few that were talkative were so because they knew their counterparts from several previous gigs.
If you recall my rant on money, a lot of these models have jobs and careers outside of modelling. I’ve met a criminology student, a couple of teachers, software engineers, architects… the list goes on.
Who are the most interesting people you get to meet?
Because so many people model, there’s such a huge variety of people I meet. So whenever I learn more about someone it’s always an interesting time. I’ve met:
- A drag-queen who was styling my hair
- A model who has planned every minute of her next three years
- Industry veterans who pivoted to academia and stomp on students
- Artists who don’t speak more than a sentence of English
- MUAs who have worked on big time celebrities, but in Asia
And of course, people who are so obnoxious I laugh alongside dramatic irony.
So I guess the most interesting people are the people I’ve never met before – which is everyone when I model.
Engineering vs. Modeling
What’s it like to be an engineer and model at the same time?
Pretty good. Engineering flexes my left brain, modelling my right. So it’s good exercise if nothing else. The technical skillsets are non-overlapping but a commonality is that I am always humbled.
I will say that engineering has helped me more in my model journey than vice versa. The professionalism, camaraderie, diligence, and critical thinking I developed in engineering helped me develop more as a model.
Ostensibly this was not true in conversation; many people I met through modelling were either apathetic or even averse to my engineering background. It felt like too much tech or academia. I was particularly conscious of this in the Bay Area. Conversely many more of my friends were interested in my modelling — but most of these are fellow engineers, and, well, my friends. ❤
The feminist in me must bring up this story, however:
TL;DR: People can’t believe that a Victoria Secret model can also code beyond “Hello World”. But if the sk8r boi got the girl then anything is possible!!
Do you mix your modelling and engineering lives/personas, or do you keep them separate?
I think I’m the same person?? What goes on my modelling IG definitely doesn’t go on my personal Snap, but I wouldn’t identify this as “engineering” vs. “modelling”.
On the other hand I also wouldn’t make the jokes I do around engineers, around models:
…So maybe things do start to fall on either side of a line. Would be interested in hearing others’ opinions here though :)
Reflection
Have your experiences as a model made you feel more confident or more insecure about yourself?
Depends on the day!!
Exhibit A:
My brain: “I’m not tall enough, skinny enough, white enough, cheek-boney enough, or young enough. I don’t have clear skin. I don’t have feminine features. My shoulders are too broad. The light is fine; my face is wrong.”
AKA,
A lot of this is in response to what agents have told me, or when I start seeing all the other models around me. Sometimes I feel like a kindergartener’s crayon masterpiece. When my acne scars flare up, I wonder what the f@#$ is wrong with me.
Exhibit B:
“I know more about looking good. I feel good in my own skin.”
My sister might guffaw at this, but I think I’ve come a long way in my personal style 😤. I’ve learned more about what looks good on me, and what the hell primer is to a woman. I know how to walk in heels, which to me is such a cliché but power-femme skill.
I’ve also learned that behind every fabulous photo I compare myself to, there is literally a squadron of people fixing every wrinkle and shadow.
What you don’t see in this photo is the stylist that fixes my dress every time I shift; the stage crew moving furniture to get the perfect lighting; the hairstylist who fixes every stray hair.
Being a model has also allowed me to be prouder in my achievements as an engineer, and more grateful for the body I am given. Without modelling, I am still an engineer. Without my physique, I personally wouldn’t have had the motivation to become a model. I am relieved at the end of the day when I wipe off my face, to reveal my face. I have a renewed understanding and appreciation for natural.
The 🧀 goes on…
Do you think it’s impactful? And if so, how?
Beyond myself? I didn’t until recently.
One of my fellow model friends works as a substitute teacher. She knew I worked as an engineer for my day job. She told me she shared this alongside our modelling photos with her students, and it inspired so much eagerness knowing that we were both educated and beautiful.
When I saw her at another casting call, she told me she worked with students who had IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and I excitedly shared that I did too when I was in grade school (gifted sp-ed).
The next time I saw her at the show, she told me one of her students had an IEP and would barely speak a word to her or other kids. When she told him that I also had an IEP, he was so excited he wouldn’t stop talking.
…I was really happy. It’s so odd thinking that I was once that kid, and in embracing myself things have come full circle. If it weren’t for the heavy amounts of mascara, I might’ve let that tear go.
What is your least favourite thing about modelling?
My friends know I obsess over efficiency, which doesn’t bode well for me as a model: I don’t think I’ve ever spent so. many. hours. in limbo.
An excruciating amount of time was spent waiting indefinitely. There was this one time I spent over 12 hours in my day for a 2-hour show, broken down military-time:
0900–0930 — Drive to stylist.
0930–1100 — Wait for other girls to finish.
1100–1130 — Get yours done.
1130–1600 — Wait in outfit.
1600–1615 — Eat food delivered by a generous mother of a fellow model.
1615–1900 — Wait in outfit. The show started at some point here.
1900–1930 — Wait anxiously in outfit. You’re supposed to go on any moment now.
1930–2000 –…You’re going on after intermission now!
2000–2030 — Prep to go on!!!
2030–2035 — YOU’RE ON!!
2035–2100 — Wait for the remainder of the show to finish. You don’t REALLY know what you’re waiting for now, maybe a final walk if time allows.
2100–2200 — The show finishes, await help to get out of outfit.
…Common theme here is waiting. Doesn’t matter how formal the job, I’ve always had to wait. I don’t know for what and I don’t know when, and no one can tell me either, probably because they also don’t know for sure.
What was your favourite outfit so far?
Funnily enough, my first paid shoot had me in my own clothes. I bought the pair of jeans literally the day before. Gotta say I felt pretty good having a professional stylist have me try on five other options, only to have me go back into my own. I’ve worn a lot of beautiful dresses and crazy face-covering suits, but this would be my every-day fave.
Would you do this full-time? Would you do this if you were paid a lot of money to do it?
Yeah probably. But that’ll only happen if I meet the right person; merit has little room here in my opinion. Emma knows:
I would also be more than happy just to optimize schedules for shoots or shows because fuck waiting — everyone deserves better than limbo.
Otherwise, PSA: make sure models you work with are paid properly.
How far do you wanna go?
Retrospectively, I’ve come a long way from my Facebook profile photo. I can say I’ve modelled professionally and am published. So far I’ve gotten what I wanted out of it: the experience, friends, and skills. But to answer the question:
As far as I can go, as long as it’s up.
OKAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING ME ON THIS ADVENTURE!!
This has been a COMMITMENT to write. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much with Part 1, and congratulations if you made it to this point!! Thank you again for letting me share this with you. Thank you +10000 if you’re one of the few friends I’ve made along the way, or supported me in my endeavours; you are the real treasure at the end of this rainbow. The last year has been a wild, eye-opening, horizon-blasting rollercoaster and I hope you learned something.
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THEM!
Otherwise — Cheers, stay safe, and STAY INSIDE!!
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All of this is opinion. I don’t intend for any of this to be ground truth or harming, and I definitely do not claim omniscience. I offer only my limited perspective from first-hand experiences.
