Startups, Parenthood, and Metallica

What startups don’t realize about parents is that sometimes they’d rather be working, so there are perks beyond flex time that employers should also consider.

Many startups have perks to attract talented workers so long as they’re not parents.

“I’ve seen some of what I would call hero culture, where people are doing 20 hours a day to get this or that done at all costs.” [...] “When people have kids, they have other priorities — and start-ups can be pretty brutal about not having other priorities.”

The overworked employee is problem that also affects the gaming industry and the VFX industry. It’s like we work in little factories in which workplace injuries may include divorce and home-wreckage.

However if these employers think that all parents are content with leaving work for family, they’re dead wrong.

Some Kind of Monster

A few months ago I saw the Metallica documentary Some Kind of Monster. The film follows the band as they struggle with a new album, friendship, and identity after James Hetfield’s return from rehab. Hetfield’s return wasn’t without conditions though: No work after 4pm. That’s family time.

I have a feeling I’m gonna walk out of here, and you’re gonna go in there and listen to this stuff […] and when I’m gone, things get talked about and decisions are made. And I feel I walk into something that’s already kind of decided. And it’s a total uphill battle for me a lot of times. I don’t like that feeling.

Seeing Hetfield tear himself away from work and his stupefied bandmates struck me pretty hard. What unfolded before me was exactly what I experience every day when I leave work early to pick up the kids. Thankfully, the only difference between Hetfield and I is that my team didn’t react like I just made Yoko Ono part of the band.

The Fear of Missing Out

As the UX designer of my startup, the monster I deal with is others discussing UX and making UX decisions without my involvement. And I can see it happening in real time through Slack notifications while I’m picking up the kids, cooking for them, feeding them, playing with them, or putting them to bed. By the time I can pop into a conversation, it’s often too late in the game and as Hetfield puts it, “it’s a total uphill battle”.

Luckily for me, the Qwalify team is extremely accommodating and I’ve learned to try harder to understand and trust the decisions that were made.

Collaborating with Parents

Hetfield’s 4pm cut-off time is probably impossible to impose on a startup team. Great work happens to the ebb and flow of productivity and creativity.

Parents will inevitably miss out on discussions. But resentment can easily be mitigated by documenting discussions and giving absent parents the opportunity to review and digest new information. A 4pm cut-off time is drastic, but a “no final decisions until properly discussed” isn’t.

Perks and Beyond for Parents

Much has been written about perks for parents. Flex time, telecommuting, and generous parental leave are the meat and potatoes of perks for parents.

However to truly understand the needs of parents is to spare them of their parental yak shaving. You know, all those ancillary parenting-related tasks that get in the way of actually spending quality time with their children or working on the startup. Here are a few creative perks that keep that in mind:

Parking: Many parents spend a lot of time shuttling their kids from one place to another before and after work. Inadequate parking for parents means they have waste time taking public transit to get to their child seat-equipped car

Catered Suppers: If you’re one of the wonderful employers that offers catered lunches, give parents the option to take home supper as well, thereby saving them time from cooking.

Stipend for Cleaning: Living with little agents of chaos means cleaning efforts have to be doubled or tripled. Efforts that can be better spent elsewhere.

Stipend for Caretakers: There will be nights where parents need to work extra hours into the night. Dealing with children who refuse supper or sleep can be demoralizing to the point where exhaustion just sets in. Instead of having to deal with work at the expense of sleep, hiring a caretaker once in a while for such night time duties would go a long way to ensure the employee’s night time productivity.

Help with Nursing and Napping: Parenthood also includes the loss of control over breasts and rest. Really thoughtful companies may consider providing equipped nursing and napping space.

It’s hard enough as it is.

By being sensitive to parents’ needs, employers can ensure their employees can have their cake and eat it too: They can help optimize time spent on parenting or working.