The Internet is great for many things. For one, you can Google nearly anything that crosses your mind and find information instantly through the magic of interconnected devices running complex mathematical algorithms. (And also thanks to the smart, dedicated people who publish that information online.) You can even Google(v.) Google(n.) when a friend, relative, or that one super annoying coworker you have asks you questions which would have been much simpler as a query for Skynet. You can buy practically whatever you want or need online through thousands upon thousands of online merchants and have it delivered to your front door the next day, but not that you should buy those things. Then there’s the adorable puppy pictures. OMG the puppy pictures! The Internet truly is an amazing piece of our everyday lives helping us connect with people from all over the globe. Because, really, isn’t that what this is all about?

People connecting with people

It wasn’t so long ago that social media was a lot more, well, social. Fewer links pushing information to people who aren’t actually listening; more conversations between actual human beings. We used the technology at our disposal to make those connections easier through asynchronous online communications. It was a time when we could share an update and be sure that our friends were there on the other end of it. There was no: “Did you see that one post I made earlier with that thing?” but rather: “Hey! I saw your post earlier with that thing.” We shared intimate portions of our lives with everyone — even complete strangers — through pictures and videos and 140 character updates at a time which helped form deep bonds between us.

Or so we thought?

I like you. I really like you

We met up! And we exchanged real phone numbers and shared text messages and did things that real people would do in real life but with our virtual friends because they meant that much to us. Then things got a little crowded. A hundred friends became a thousand updates. And then a thousand friends became hundreds of thousands of updates. Who of any of us has that kind of time to read every linked blog post, watch every YouTube video, and check every Instagram and comment on it? So, as anyone does when faced with a large task and a complete lack of desire to handle it, we developed shortcuts.

A comment turned into a ‘like’ or a ‘favorite’ instead because it’s easier to tap (which is half as difficult as having to double-tap) or swipe or click than it is to take time out to respond to your friend with an honest reply. Now all you get is a little notification saying “Sally Ratzamafrats liked your update” instead of a message direct from Sally herself about how the funniest part of that video is at the 2:13 mark when the bear comes in and… well, you get the idea.

Don’t get me wrong, I think a like is a splendid thing as long as it’s a “like” and not actually a “I clicked the ‘like’ button even though I didn’t actually watch up until the 2:13 mark because two minutes is so long and I’ve got like, easily a hundred more of these posts to sort through and the Starbucks barista is about to call my name, even though he spelled my name totally wrong on the cup (OMG I can’t wait to Instagram-shame them for it), so I’m still covered — you know, friends-wise, right?”

Forever alone guy is forever alone

People change and circumstances change and life events happen and I don’t expect people to always be there like they once were before. Hell, I’ve been in those same shoes before and they fit quite comfortably. Sometimes, it’s not even like shoes, but something more akin to wearing massive bunny rabbit slippers because it’s easy to divert your attention (or have it diverted for you by someone or something) and forget that relationships — all relationships — only work when there are two people involved. You can’t be absent.

But before when life was just life and people merely came and went like people are apt to do, it was way easier. You didn’t have this growing collection of ghosts following you around all day long reminding you of that girl from college you had a massive crush on and who, if you’re honest with yourself, you still have feelings for. Oh, by the way she’s getting married now, so have fun with that one! Or a friend from high school you ate lunch with every day during your senior year but you never talk to anymore because, guess what, you just don’t have anything in common with them.

Instead of these people fading away from your life, they’re stuck in this werid in between space like [SPOILER ALERT] Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. They’re like friends, but sort of not.

They’re just… there. Clicking ‘like’ on all your updates. Never really saying a word, never really having a conversation. Never really present in what’s going on.

And perhaps the saddest part of all of this is knowing that in all probability you’re also one of those ‘like’ friends to someone else.

Palate cleanser time

So that was actually the end of what I wanted to write but it seemed way too down so here’s a nice palate cleanser for you. Seriously go look at all of his photos, that chubby lil fella.