Giving Up Your Daughter

In February, we met our daughter. In November, I expect to say goodbye to her. In the time between, we’ve had the ultimate highs of seeing her first step, hearing her first words, being consumed by the joy of her laughter, and developing a bond so deep that you barely remember a time without her.

Our daughter is in Foster Care and family has found her and they want her. I can’t blame them; the bond of blood is deep and rich. I know if I were them, I would ask for the same. However, that doesn’t lessen the pain I feel every day knowing the inevitable is coming.

In the past few weeks, she started calling me dada, picking up on our sons’ language. What a joy to hear those words escape her lips and what torture knowing that the memory of those words will never be remembered.

And while I somehow prepare to say goodbye, I also know how lucky she is. Her family found her and what a gift for a child thrown into the system. Her shared blood wanted her. That’s something so many children in Foster Care never get. Yet, I am a selfish human, and I don’t want to say good bye.

We’ve been asked, “Do you want to keep her?” What kind of question is that? If a child sleeps in your home for months and you’ve imagined everything from her first day of kindergarten, her graduation day, dancing with her at her wedding, and so many other life events — Of course I want keep her.

Yet, knowing I truly love her, I’d never stand in the way of a stable, loving relationship bonded by blood from stepping in. Sometimes, true love is making a true sacrifice for the good of the other.